A Pleasure
by Deceptive Lies
Summary: Professor Naruto Uzumaki was loud, young, gorgeous and dangerous. She hated Umbridge more than anyone, shared pranking ideas with the Weasley twins, and stood up for all her students. The entire student body was in love. But with rumors of her having a fiance over seas, and her weird friendship with Snape, Harry can't help but be suspicious. "No, it's not a pleasure." Fem!Naruto
1. A New Mission

_**A/N In Celebration of my Birthday**_

Albus Dumbledore was a great man, and an even greater wizard. He was the defeater of Grindelwald, the headmaster of Hogwarts and so much more. Yet he was at an impasse. His old student, a boy he had failed to assist in his time of need, Tom Riddle, was gaining more power by the day. Dark Wizards of all kind flocked towards the man engulfed in evil, the temptation of power too sweet to resist by even the most strong willed of men. He needed a way to protect his students, for surely it was only a matter of time before Voldemort would strike again. He had risen just a few short months previous, murdering an innocent student in the process. He would not let his students be hurt any longer.

Thus, the leader of the secret Order of the Phoenix sought out help. Many years ago, his old friend, the wise Nicolas Flamel told him of a society that kept themselves hidden from the rest of the world, not unlike the Wizarding world with respect to the muggles. In these countries, lived mysterious and powerful being called Ninjas, able to use power beyond the means of average wizards.

He spoke of these shinobi in great length, regaling him with stories of the formation of the hidden villages, as well as the lifestyle these people choose to live by. Albus, at this point of time, was convinced that these ninjas were the only ones who could help. It was with this new air of desperation that he decided to follow the instructions of how to find these hidden countries, left to him by Flamel. Dumbledore needed to protect his students, so he made his way to the first village that Flamel spoke of, a wonderful little place called Konoha.

* * *

"No."

"I don't recall giving you a choice."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps I should have been a little more clear. _Fuck No._ "

"Naruto, you're being childish. This is a good mission, one you were practically _begging_ for just a week ago!"

Naruto sighed in frustration as she stared down Tsunade. It was true, the 20-year-old jonin had been practically salivating at the thought of a juicy mission for a while now, wanting nothing more than to venture off into some dangerous situation. But not this. She did not want this.

"Teaching Baa-chan!? ME?! I can't teach a bunch of snot nosed kids who think waving a stick around is the epitome of power!" Naruto exclaimed. A year, in a foreign country far from the hidden villages, is _so not_ what she meant by a mission.

"It's an S-Rank." The Hokage taunted, leaning back in her seat with a smirk. She knew the young jinchuriki well, and nothing made the girl as excited as a hard mission.

Naruto's eye twitched, "Is there no one else?"

"None that are both available and suitable for the mission, no. Unless you'd rather us send your fiancé?"

Naruto snorted, "Only if you want all those brats murdered before the winter holidays." She closed her eyes in resignation, "Fine, I'll do the fucking mission. I better be getting paid big time for this."

Snatching the rather thick folder off her superiors desk, she then proceeded to leap out of the window, refusing to use the door for no reason other than petty revenge against the Healer. Walking through the village, Naruto couldn't help but reflect over the last few years. Once everything had calmed after the war, a new peace engulfed the elemental countries, making it hard for missions to come through, as now they were scarce. This had forced the Village leaders to start accepting missions from The Outside, something that had not been done since the time of the First Hokage himself. It was a long walk to the compound from the Hokage Tower, made even longer with Naruto dragging her feet. She was not looking forward to telling her significant other…

But on the other hand, if she's indisposed for an entire year she doesn't have to do any of the wedding preparations! With a smile on her face, and a new hop in her step, Naruto skipped her way over to the Uchiha compound.

* * *

It was official. His subordinates were idiots and Konoha was officially doomed. Sasuke Uchiha, sole survivor of the great clan, resisted the urge to bang his head repeatedly on his office table. For three months, he had trained his new squad on the ins and outs of subterfuge and information gathering, yet all these idiots managed to accomplish was fail his test for the 23rd time. This ANBU squad would never be ready for the field by this point.

Sasuke had been ANBU Captain for several years now, leading multiple different squads and becoming an international legend in infiltration. Yes, this specific squad was going to be the death of him. With a grunt of anger, he hurriedly gathered his files and began to make his journey home.

He could only pray that a better day awaited for him at home. But Sasuke Uchiha knew the world was a bitch. So he was none too surprised when his orange-loving fiancé announced that she would be partaking in a long term mission for the better part of a year.

Sasuke blinked once Naruto finished her long _long_ tirade on the ridiculousness of the mission, the backwardness of the wizarding society (seriously… wizards), and the absolute stupidity of a name like Voldywart.

"I'm not going to plan this wedding myself Naruto."

Naruto bit back a curse, she hadn't even gotten to that part yet, but she had forgotten just how well her future husband knows her, "But I'm rubbish at it anyways! Just make Shikamaru do it! His wedding was fantastic!"

"Shikamaru refused to do anything for his wedding, instead dumping it all onto Temari. Which is what you're trying to do with me."

Naruto fought a curse again. She had been spending too much time with the lazy smoke-loving jonin, "Oh come on! It's an S-Rank! I'll be busy!"

"You'll be teaching kids, I'm sure you can find time to figure out your flower arrangements." With a final smirk of victory, for Sasuke knew without a doubt that he had won this battle of wills, he made his way to the kitchen to deposit their dishes in the sink.

It was quite odd to everyone who knew them. Naruto and Sasuke, while obviously in love, never seemed to be the domestic type. Yet they were quick to prove everyone wrong, settling quite neatly into the role of a newly engaged couple. Sakura was shocked most of all, she was the only one blind enough not to see this engagement coming.

Although to be fair, Sasuke _did_ propose in the midst of a battlefield. And Naruto _did_ say "yes" just as she was knocking some guy out, so frankly maybe it should come as a shock that these two emotionally stunted individuals finally decided to get over themselves and get hitched.

Sasuke withheld a snicker. Naruto Uzumaki, teaching for a year? He would pay big money to be a fly on that wall. This Hogwarts place didn't know what was coming to them.

* * *

Albus was pleased. The leader of Konoha, while he questioned her professionalism after he watched her chug an entire bottle of sake, was obviously powerful. He had felt that much. The young woman who she assigned to the mission, however, was promised to be even more so. Just from the few hints dropped, Dumbledore knew that this future teacher was a force to be reckoned with. She was a strong ninja, the Hokage even admitted that she was currently being trained to take her position. He just _knew_ that this Naruto Uzumaki would be a wise, strong, and versatile woman. Silent as a shadow, silent as a fox. That is the epitome of a shinobi.

For the first time in what seems like an eternity, Albus Dumbledore was wrong. It had been a week since he had last stepped foot in Konoha, giving his future employee time to pack and settle her affairs. September 1st was a mere week away, and he was anxious to get the young woman settled and accustomed to Hogwarts before the children flood through.

He, along with his most trusted companion Professor McGonagall, sat across from the Hokage in her office, waiting for the oddly late shinobi.

"I apologize for her tardiness, she gets that from her damn sensei." Tsunade mumbled, taking a swig from her ever present bottle.

"Not to worry, we are in no rush." McGonagall was quick to assure. However Albus knew his friend, so he was quite certain that this act of tardiness was not sitting well with the always proper Professor.

The calm silence was disrupted by the loud banging of the opening of the window. Like a hurricane, a blond woman shot into the room. Her hands positioned on her hips, the woman sent a scowl towards her superior. Albus couldn't help but raise a brow. This lady was dressed in tight leather pants and long sleeve orange shirt, leaving quite little to the imagination.

With a growl, the woman spoke, "What the hell Baa-chan?! You said I had till tomorrow!"

The Hokage shrugged apathetically, "Oops, looks like I was wrong."

The girl scowled even further, "Do you know what I have to deal with at home! The damn Teme was practically sulking just because he has to go without sex for a year! Trust me, I do not need that on top of my wedding stress."

"Naruto, plainly put, I don't give a fuck." The Hokage answered.

Naruto!? This was to be the shinobi entrusted to take care of Hogwarts? This loud, arrogant, foul-mouthed woman? Dumbledore chuckled lowly, at least this year promised to be amusing.

"Hello Ms. Uzumaki. My name is Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster at Hogwarts." He introduced himself kindly.

Naruto looked him up and down, before quickly doing the same to McGonagall. "You can pull of that ridiculous robe. Respect. But you must be even older than Baa-chan here." She spoke, gesturing towards the Hokage.

Tsunade slammed her desk, crying, "I'M NOT OLD DAMMIT!"  
Naruto just ignored the woman, turning her attention towards McGonagall instead, "And you are?"

"Professor McGonagall. I am the head of the Gryffindor House, and teacher of Transfiguration." The woman answered, her tone even.

Naruto's eyes narrowed in suspicion, "Right. Anyways, I'm ready now. Let's get this over with."

Albus's eyes twinkled with amusement, "Take a hold of this necklace please."

"Sure." She answered, grabbing a part of the chain.

"Don't kill any of the kids!" The Hokage called out.

"No promises!" And with that, they were gone.


	2. A New Friend

The Dursley's on number four, Privet Drive, found themselves in a quite perplexing situation. Their odd little nephew has been acting even stranger than usual, which said much considering his specific method of schooling. Every time he could, young Harry, who before would avoid the Dursley's just as vehemently as they avoided him, would go out of his way to join his "family" in the living room to watch the news. Even the grinding of their teeth and scathing glares did little to dissuade him from meekly lagging behind after supper in hopes of catching the news. It was all so odd.

Yet Harry was quite accustomed to his Aunt and Uncle's confusion, and more so he did not care. His caretakers, if one could truly even call them so, were ignorant to Harry's whereabouts ninety-percent of the time, so they were quite out of the loop so to say.

If they bothered to pay attention to their starved and gangly nephew, they would notice that despite his eccentrics regarding the telly, Harry seemed to be even stranger than usual. He was more withdrawn, yet simultaneously oh the more angry. Quicker to snap back, quicker to blow. It would be quite perplexing to any who knew him well; yet the Dursley's could honestly say that they did not know their nephew at all. So for an entire summer, no one noticed poor young Harry growing angrier and angrier by the day.

Now usually this wouldn't be such a problem. He had made several great friends at his school, and wrote them as often as possible. They knew of the troubles he faced before the ending of school, so it would do well for them to help Harry through the difficult trauma of watching a classmate be killed. If only they wrote back.

Harry, by this point of time, late into the summer break, had written countless letters to his friends, only to have not a single reply. No indication at all that someone was thinking of him. Were his friends okay? Did Voldemort get to them? Were they angry at him? Did they want to stay away from the boy-who-lived in hopes of protecting themselves?

Harry had no clue as to the reasons behind the figurative radio-silence his friends were currently under. He didn't want to expect the worst… but well… let's be honest, the worst tends to come looking for him. If that weren't enough, he couldn't even get word from Dumbledore, the kind headmaster who had promised to keep him up to date. With the promise broken, and his friends not answering, Harry had no choice but to rely only on the news if he ever wanted any word on how Voldemort's reign was progressing.

As if that weren't bad enough, dear cousin Dudley and his gang of bullies have decided to once again play their all-time favorite game: Harry Hunt. With the young wizard running as far as he can from his cousin, while somehow repressing the urge to use his wand against the mean boy, he prayed for lady luck to take pity on his soul and bring a distraction. But of course, Harry Potter has the most rotten of luck. For this was when the dementors descended.

* * *

"Woah." This was the only word Naruto could utter as she took in the grand sight before her. As the current sage, as well as the heroine of the Fourth Shinobi War, Naruto had seen many grand structures in her life, yet none quite as majestic as this. Hogwarts, which was quite a ridiculous name if you asked her, was huge. The architecture surpassed anything she has seen before, incomparable to even the grandest of royal estates. Naruto withheld a snicker. Man, Sasuke is gonna be absolutely pissed that he missed this.

"Welcome to Hogwarts, Professor Uzumaki," McGonagall spoke, "This will be your home for the next year. I throughly recommend getting acquainted with it before the children arrive."

"When will that be again?" Naruto asked, mentally shifting through the 20 different packets of information given to her pertaining to this quest.

"September first. They will all arrive in Hogsmeade before either taking the carriages, or a boat the rest of the way. It will also be the day the children go through the sorting ceremony. I trust you have read about this?" The elder professor was obviously testing the boisterous blond.

Naruto, despite appearances was quite a formidable ninja, resisted the urge to role her eyes, instead blinding the other woman with a smile, "Yes I have. The children are sorted into four different houses based on there defining personality traits. I also recall you mentioning that you were the Head of House Gryffindor?"

McGonagall nodded, her eyes widening slightly in surprise. She had not expected the air-headed young girl, barely older than her students, to remember such a fact, "I am. Each of the four houses here have a professor that acts as the Head of House."

Naruto hummed as she followed the stern teacher through the halls, carefully taking note of each significant landmark, "The house of chivalry and bravery, huh? I guess I can see that."

Albus, who for some reason had been quite on their tour of the castle thus far, saw it necessary to chime in, "And what house do you believe you would have been sorted in? Had you been in Hogwarts, of course."

"Hmm, that's a difficult one. I could genuinely see myself in any of the houses, barring Ravenclaw of course. Unfortunately I'm not exactly the studious type," The orange loving blond joked, "Yet truthfully, if we are talking about when I was eleven, perhaps Gryffindor? I always was one to jump into the fray. Then again, I could easily see myself in Hufflepuff as well, not that I had much to be loyal to when I was that young. Maybe even Slytherin. I was always a tad bit too cunning for all the wrong reasons."

Dumbledore nodded, "I can see why you would say that, Professor Uzumaki."

"Naruto," She interrupted, "Professor Uzumaki makes me sound old"

Albus let out a hearty chuckle, "Very well then, Naruto."

* * *

Severus Snape was not a stranger to odd circumstances. He was a wizard, the oddities in life were both expected and embraced. This did not mean, however, that he was quite ready to meet the newest addition to the Hogwarts staff.

With only a week before the welcoming ceremony, he had already left his home and moved back into his comfortable room in the dungeons of Hogwarts. Unlike the rest of his coworkers, he enjoyed coming back to the castle a few days early, giving him ample time to prepare and switch up his lesson plans, while simultaneously making himself comfortable before the rest of the swarm come buzzing in.

As the only teacher crazy enough to show up to Hogwarts this early, bar McGonagall and Dumbledore whom lived here full time, he was quite looking forward to the peace and quiet solitude that came with an empty castle. That was, of course, until the aforementioned two decided to waltz into the Great Hall during lunch, with a beautiful young blond skipping behind them.

"And this, young Naruto, is the Great Hall. All of our meals are served here, as well as the welcoming feast and sorting ceremony. The four tables belong to each respective house, and our table is up here." Dumbledore explained, leading the woman towards the staff table where Snape sat alone.

"Seriously? Why's this dude the only guy here? Can't you afford anymore teachers, or is a Dracula wannabe the best you could do?" The blond asked.

Snape raised a brow. He was the only person besides McGonagall that was aware of Albus's plan to hire a shinobi, yet he didn't expect to see… this. "Perhaps it was this same oversight which caused Dumbledore to hire an obnoxious blond instead of a _real_ ninja." The wizard drawled.

Dumbledore and McGonagall both caught their breath, carefully watching how this would proceed. While they had not known the blond for long, they had read her file, and surely she would take such offense to such an insult.

Instead, the unpredictable shinobi lived true to her title, and bellowed out a loud laugh, "You. I like you! I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and you're going to be my new best friend here!"

The witnesses of this little exchange felt their eyes widening, only for their jaws to drop at their coworkers response. As stated previously, Severus learned long ago to just deal with the oddities in life, so with a pleasant smirk he replied, "Severus Snape. It's a pleasure."

* * *

Everything was so. Fucking. Troublesome. The next time Shikamaru got his hands on his ramen obsessed friend, he was going to kill her.

Not only did she leave for a long term mission with absolutely no warning at all, she decided to do so without even filing in the proper paperwork. Now, most wouldn't see why that's such a big deal, especially considering the homicidal thoughts that were circling the lazy jonins head. Except when you take into account that not only is Naruto a damn jonin, she's also the jinchuriki.

What does this mean? This means, that as Jonin Commander, it was up to Shikamaru Nara to take all of Naruto's current missions and divide them amongst the rest of the active ninja. Before leaving, Naruto had accepted quite the few background missions that she could do in her spare time. But then again, the lowest ranked mission that she accepted was A. So now the Nara had a multitude of S and A ranked missions, with absolutely no one to give them to. Except himself.

Yeah. Shikamaru was going to kill her.

* * *

Apparently, the deceleration that Naruto had made about her new best friend was all the cause McGonagall needed to dump the rest of the duties onto Snape, since Dumbledore had to leave quickly after receiving some letter. With a barely concealed growl, Severus finished the tour of Hogwarts. "As you are the instructor for a brand new course, you will have this previously unused classroom. Unfortunately, it is not connected to any office or dormitory, which means those will be in a secondary location. I don't suppose you mind the dungeons?"

Naruto took in the sight of her classroom, a large empty room devoid of even desks. Perfect. With a grin, she turned her attention to the single most interesting person she had met in a long time, "Nah, I think the dungeons are pretty cool! Don't you teach potions there?"

Snape nodded, impressed with the young woman's memory, "I do. The Slytherin dormitory is also located there, giving me access to my house in times of emergency."

"So you're the Head of House Slytherin?"

"I am."

"I bet you and McGonagall get into all sorts of fights then, huh? She seems really strict and stuffy."

Snape turned to the girl in surprise, "Most would say the same about me, Ms. Uzumaki."

Naruto sighed in frustration, "For the fifth time today, call me Naruto. And nah, you're not stuffy. You just want to seem that way. I bet you're the type of guy who was just really good at what he did in school, leaving you ostracized. Something tells me you're not a guy anyone wants to cross. That's not being stuffy, that's being awesome!"

Severus could count on one hand the amount of people that thought of him that way, "You developed a kinship with me rather quickly Naruto. Why?"

Naruto shrugged, "You remind me of my fiancé. He's a misunderstood bastard too."

* * *

Harry let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't going to be expelled. It was close, oh so very close. If Dumbledore didn't come barreling through the doors at the absolute last minute, then Harry would have been done for. Frankly, that was the only good thing his headmaster had done for him all summer.

Harry wanted to be grateful, he really did. Only Dumbledore has been keeping him out of the loop for months, not letting even his friends contact him. That wasn't something that he appreciated, in fact, Harry felt he had quite the right to get angry over it. However, as seems to be more and more common these days, he swallowed his anger instead.

The household was taking a break from cleaning, as they celebrated Harry's innocent verdict. "Congrats mate, told you they'd see the truth!" Ron exclaimed, patting the boy rather forcefully on the shoulder.

The festivities were cut to a short as Tonks reminded everyone of the upcoming Order meeting. "But why can't I be here for them? They're about me!" Harry cried.

Mrs. Weasley directed a stern glare towards the boy, "We will not have this argument again. Go upstairs, all of you."

The teenagers all sullenly climbed the stairs, before rushing to grab the nearest pair of extendable ears. Fred positioned one of them in the middle, before slowly lowering the other ear to the other floor. The young wizards and witches gather around, straining their senses to catch every last word. Soon, the door opened, and a familiar drawl spoke, "I trust we're all here?"

Harry really couldn't help the scowl that appeared at the sound of his least-favorite professor entering the room. Why anyone trusted him, he would never know.

Unfortunately, due to his musing, Harry had missed quite a bit of conversation, "I heard Dumbledore made you in charge of the newbie, that true Snape?" Tonks asked.

Snape sighed, "Yes it is."

"What's she like? Is she's going to be joining the order, we have to know shes trustworthy." Mr. Weasley remarked.

"As is Snivellus could be any judge of what a trustworthy person is like." Sirius laughed bitterly.

"Sirius not now. What is the girl like, Professor Snape?" Lupin asked, playing the role of an intermediary.

Snape snorted in disgust, before answering, "She's… loud. Very loud. But she's strong and capable."

"Poor girl must be going crazy with only Snape for company." Ginny said quietly.

"Who cares about that! If Snape of all people finds a girl trustworthy, then something must be up. Another Death Eater maybe?" Ron speculated.

"Ron! Don't be ridiculous. Professor Snape is a part of the Order, and even so, we have no idea who they're even talking about." Hermione chimed in.

Harry frowned, "Even so, this girl is obviously important to some plans for the Order, and it looks like no one other than Snape has even met her. That enough is cause to worry. We'll find her ourselves, then we can judge for ourselves just how trustworthy this girl is."

* * *

"I still don't get why we have to do this." Naruto complained, for the seventh time now. Snape resisted the urge to put a silencing spell over the girl, however he realized that he couldn't exactly blame her. He hated shopping too.

"You can't go around telling people you're a ninja, nor can you be seen performing windless magic to such an extent. Therefore, you're getting a wand. You're a ninja, shouldn't you know the benefits of blending in?" The wizard answered sarcastically.

Naruto stuck her tongue at him in response, eliciting a small chuckle from the usually stoic man. It was the day before the sorting ceremony, and frankly, to McGonagall's ever growing horror, this past week has seen a growth of friendship between the two professors. Snape, for some reason, found Naruto to be a refreshing change of pace, her enthusiasm sparking a sense of amusement in him. Naruto, on the other hand, found a kindred soul in Severus. Plus, he was one of the only people who knew the truth about where she came from, so he was _perfect_ to rant to.

So, to the shock of all that walked through Diagon Alley, the famed and terrifying Professor Severus Snape was seen strolling through the crowd smiling at a gorgeous blond. Wizards everywhere were surprised, their jaws dropping in shock. The man who could scare even the toughest of wizards… was smiling? And the hot blond he was with… was laughing with him? WHAT?!

Oblivious to the commotion they were making, Snape and Naruto continued their journey towards Ollivanders, stopping by quite a few shops on the way to pick up some materials. Watching the items that she was purchasing, Snape couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for his students. Naruto may prove to be an even harsher taskmaster than him.

"When I heard that Severus Snape was here on a date with a gorgeous young blond, I didn't actually expect it to be true. What do you know, perhaps not all rumors are baseless?" The pair tuned to see a beautiful and elegant woman staring at them in amusement, her hand holding onto the shoulders of a teenager with silver blond hair.

"Narcissa. A pleasure as usual," Severus greeted, "This is Hogwarts new professor, Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto, this is Narcissa Malfoy, a dear old friend, and my godson, Draco Malfoy of House Slytherin."

Naruto leveled a stare at the boy, "So you're going to be one of my students, huh?"

Draco looked at the woman in incredulously, "You're going to be one of my professors? You're barely older than I am!"

Narcissa tightened her hold on her son, "Now Draco, is that how you treat one of your instructors?"

Naruto waved her off, "It's no problem Mrs. Malfoy. It's true, I am quite young. Severus already warned me of the doubts people will have towards me, although I assure you, I have more experience under my belt than almost anyone."

"Severus, huh? I wasn't aware the two of you were already on a first named basis." Narcissa noticed with a small smirk deigning on her aristocratic features.

Snape was quick to speak, "We are coworkers, it is only normal for us to be on a first name basis. Now, if you two would excuse us, we have more shopping to complete."

"Well of course. Good day Severus. Naruto, it was a pleasure meeting you."

"You as well." Naruto answered, before following Snape's lead and blending into the large crowd of people.

"What was that about?" She asked once she was far enough from her two fellow blonds.

Snape sighed, "People are not accustomed to seeing me being social. Especially not with beautiful young women."

"AW! You think I'm beautiful!" Naruto teased, fluttering her eyes exaggeratedly.

Severus flicked the girl on the forehead, "Not a chance."


	3. A New Shock

Gaara was known throughout the elemental nations as an opponent to be feared. As a previous jinchuriki, with a mastery over sand that is second to none, the Fifth Kazekage struck fear into the hearts of missing-nin everywhere. No one, absolutely _no one_ , wanted to be on the bad side of this previous murderer and formidable leader. His silence and calm was widely known, his composure never broken in even the most stressful of situations.

Which was why all the sand ninjas posted throughout the Kazekage's office couldn't help but drop their jaws in incredulous disbelief. "-SUCH INCOMPETENCE! HOW COULD YOU WHEN YOU KNOW HOW SHE GETS!?"

Gaara… was yelling? At a Konoha ninja? Who was staring in a deadpan as if it wasn't effecting him at all? What the heck?

Sasuke continued to look at the leader in an unemotional manner, never once giving away his thoughts on the situation. Tsunade, for some reason, decided that since the usual Suna Ambassador was too busy drowning in paperwork, Sasuke had to take the mantle instead. Silently, he cursed the Nara. How much paperwork could he possibly have anyways? He completely ignored the gentle reminder that Shikamaru was also Jonin Commander, and probably had more paperwork than the Hokage herself.

Since every other available jonin was already on a mission, he was the one who had to be sent to deal with Gaara. Frankly, he questioned Tsunade's competence, everyone knew that the two of them hated each other. To be candid, the only reason Sasuke had yet to assassinate the red haired man was because his Fiancé wouldn't be happy with him.

This brought the Uchiha to his current situation, where after Gaara asked about his best friend Naruto, Sasuke decided to let the man know about her mission to The Outside. Alone. For a year. Gaara was decidedly not happy about this. "She's reckless! You should know this! Despite her strength, she could use backup. To have Naruto all alone, so far from all of us, on a year long mission is ridiculous!"

Sasuke was starting to get irritated, his brow furrowing slightly in annoyance. With gritted teeth, he bit out, "She's _my_ Fiancé you know. As her supposed 'Best Friend', shouldn't you know what Naruto's reaction would be should I have _not_ let her go?"

Gaara glared at the pompous Uchiha, he never did like the man, not when he caused Naruto such pain in the past, "I meant she needs backup."

" _No,_ she _doesn't_. Naruto is our future Hokage, just as, if not more powerful than either one of us. She can handle herself."

"Of course she can! It doesn't mean she should! I'm just trying to look out for what's best for her! We don't know anything about The Outside, so frankly she shouldn't be there handling unknown territory alone."

"It's not your job to look out for her."

Gaara ground his teeth in frustration, "Yes. It _is_. It has been ever since you decided to follow a pedophile and break her heart, leaving me to pick up the pieces."

"Well I'm back, so you can consider yourself retired."

"She's my best friend."

"Yet _I'm_ the one she's marrying."

"I never claimed that Naruto was smart."

"Smart enough to pick me."

"I can disagree with that."

"Well it looks like you'll have to. Because the fact of the matter is, this time next year, she'll be Mrs. Naruto Uchiha, and there's not a thing you can do about it."

* * *

It was August 31st, a mere day before the sorting ceremony, and finally the rest of the Hogwarts teachers have started to arrive. Naruto couldn't help but frown a bit, she liked it when it was just the four of them in the castle, that way she got her new bestie all too herself. Speaking of which, she couldn't help but bite down a giggle as Severus was attempting to eat ramen with chopsticks.

The Uzumaki thankfully thought ahead, and brought thousands of instant ramen all sealed away inside a scroll. That way, even with her insane eating habits, she wasn't liable to run out anytime soon. Therefore, she found it quite safe to share one with her new friend, who she was horrified to learn had never before tried ramen. It was a mistake she had to fix.

"So when are all the other teachers supposed to arrive again?" She asked the stoic man seated next to her.

"They should be arriving shortly, however it's unlikely for you to bump into them until dinner tonight. After that, we will be having a meeting in Dumbledore's office, so that we're all on the same page regarding this years activities."

Naruto hummed in understanding, "Hey Severus?"

He halted his eating to turn to the boisterous blond, an eyebrow quirked in response, "Yes Naruto?"

"If you had to choose your favorite professor here, barring my glorious self of course, who would it be? I need to know the people I should befriend first after all."

Snape gave it some thought before responding, "To be honest, I don't really have a friend here. Every professor is perfectly pleasant, barring our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, who you will _unfortunately_ get the opportunity to meet later today. I get along mostly with McGonagall, she was my very own professor at one point after all, but it's more out of professional curtesy. The rest of the professors find me… unpleasant."

Naruto's eyes widened, "You!? Why?! You're awesome!"

Snape smirked, "You would be the only one to think so Naruto. With my… past, I can see why they are all quite weary of me."

"So you were a Death Eater, big deal!"

"Most would find that to be an exceptionally big deal. I dabbled quite extensively in the Dark Arts. I wasn't… a good man Naruto."

"Yeah. Key word: _Wasn't._ As in, it's in the past. People can't let the actions of your youth define the man you are today!"

Snape's eyes widened. Truly, this woman was a godsend, too pure and _good_ to actually be friends with a jilted man such as himself, "People aren't as forgiving as you are. My transgressions can't be easily forgotten."

Naruto rolled her eyes in exasperation, "Big whoop. People need to learn how to get over themselves. My Best Friend back home was a mass murderer who would kill anyone in his path, while my Fiancé was a traitorous bastard who abandoned our village and put a hole through my chest. The point is, it's all in the past, and now they're completely different people!" Naruto justified.

Severus stared at the younger girl incredulously, "Please take no offense to this Naruto, but I sincerely hope I never meet any of your Shinobi friends."

* * *

Ino Yamanaka was _exhausted_. The Torture and Interrogation Department have all been working double time after their resident jinchuriki had _accidentally_ caught and apprehended a sex-trafficking ring only a week previous. Seriously, who found and took down a whole crime ring _accidentally?!_ The leader of the group was a stubborn piece of work, with mental defenses that rivaled even the greatest of ninjas. This led to some… _interesting_ torture sessions. Ever since Ino joined the department, after her father finally retired from his post of Head of the Analysis Devision, she had been put to work more than ever. Her medical-nin skills were greatly valued, seeing as her coworker Anko tended to go a slight bit overboard.

Finally, they were able to break the man, allowing Ino to go home for the first time all week. As she trudged through the village, her shoulders slumped in fatigue, she heard a familiar voice cursing like a sailor. Her brows raised in surprise, as she took a slight detour into the ramen stand which was usually occupied by her fellow blond. Instead, she found her old teammate and good friend, Shikamaru, bent over a plethora of paperwork, his hand moving speedily across the sheets. His teeth were gritted in anger, his forehead furrowed.

"Uh… Shika? You okay?" She questioned cautiously, never having seen her friend in such disarray.

Shikamaru halted his work, blinking in surprise as he looked up to see his friend, "Oh, hey Ino. Didn't see you there. Aren't you supposed to be busy interrogating the leader of the trafficking ring?"

Ino slumped into the seat next to his, "Just finished. I haven't even seen Sai in a week! Why are you here though?"

Shikamaru ran a hand down his face, "Fucking Naruto. The damn troublesome blond creating endless work for me even thousands of miles away."

"What? Where's Naruto?"

"She's on a mission in The Outside. A year long one, apparently super important."

Ino's eyes widened in surprise, "A year?! Yikes, how's Sasuke feeling about that."

"Who cares! Do you not see how much paperwork she's left me to deal with!"

Ino stared at her usually lazy friend, who somehow seemed even more exhausted than she was, " _Right_ … Well, I'll just leave you to it. And try not to kill Naruto the next time you see her."

The Nara snorted, his eyes scanning the document before him, "It looks like that opportunity would come by sooner rather than later."

* * *

Filius Flitwick was not a judgmental man. He never gossiped, and never spread any rumors. He preferred keeping his nose out of peoples business, for he knew that even the people closest to him could surprise him.

Today, however, he had forgotten all about that particular trait of his. He had been one of the first professors to arrive in the castle, so he decided to make his way to the Great Hall early for dinner. He presumed he would be the first one there. He presumed wrong.

For as he arrived, he was shocked to see his long time coworker Severus Snape sitting side-by-side by the single most attractive woman he had ever seen. She was breathtaking; long blond hair that reached her waist, a tight outfit which showed her incredible figure, shiny blue eyes that twinkled with mirth as she laughed at something Snape had said.

That was the oddest part. She and Snape were laughing. Together. Sitting side by side. Together. Casually conversing. Together.

"Hello Filius! Are you ready for the new year?" Professor Sprout asked cheerfully as she stepped through the grand doors, where Flitwick was still standing gobsmacked.

"Mhmm."

"Filius, are you okay dear?"

"Mhmm."

"Say Filius, is that Snape I see… _Laughing_ with that young woman?"

"Mhmm."

Sprout blinked in surprise, "Has the world ended?"

"Mhmm."

* * *

"Hey Sevvy?" Naruto whispered.

"Sevvy?" Snape asked with a drawl.

"Yeah! That's your new nickname! Like it?" She announced with a grin.

"Not particularly. But I'm not foolish enough to think that my thoughts on the matter would dissuade you."

"Smart man. Anyways Sevvy, who are those two standing by the door, and why have they been standing there for the last ten minutes?"

Snape cast a look towards the door, where two of his coworkers were standing in surprise. He sighed in resignation, "Those would be Filius Flitwick, the Head of Ravenclaw, and Pomona Sprout, the Head of Hufflepuff."

"So why aren't they moving?"

"I suppose they're in shock."

Naruto grinned evilly, before standing from her spot and shouting across the room, "Hey guys! You must be my new coworkers! I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the new Professor for Physical Defense! Nice to meet ya!"

Snape withheld a chuckle as the two professors stammered their awkward greetings, finally making their way towards the head table. "Ah, yes, hello Professor Uzumaki. I am Filius, and this is Pomona. Welcome to Hogwarts."

Naruto grinned, shaking the hands of the two, "Please, call me Naruto! Sevvy tells me you guys are the Heads of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff respectively. It must be cool to be so connected to your old house and students!"

"Sevvy?" Filius mouthed to Pomona in shock, before returning his attentions to the amused blond, "Well… ah… yes, of course! It's great to be in a position of trust and guidance for the students."

Naruto hummed, "Well I only hope I'm half as good of a Professor as you guys are. I've only met one student so far, and he absolutely _adored_ Sevvy here. Although I'm not sure if that's because he's his Head of House, or if it's because Sevvy's his godfather."

Pomona raised her brow, "You've met ?"

"Mhmm," Naruto grinned, "He was an absolute delight! Can't wait to teach him."

Filius and Pomona shared a look, missing the small, whispered conversation between Severus and Naruto. "You do realize that other than me, everyone here hates Draco, right?"

Naruto smiled innocently, "Well of course I do! But if I can prove that even the bratty, misunderstood Draco has a good side, then maybe they can realize that even Death Eaters can reform."

Severus grinned in response. He truly didn't deserve this woman. Her Fiancé must be quite the man.


	4. A New Coworker

Severus Snape, in all his formative years spent in Hogwarts, had never met a woman as despicable and infuriating as Professor Umbridge. She was nasally and ridiculous, her nauseatingly bright pink outfit was forever seared into his memory, playing the main character in all of his nightmares. She was obnoxious, and frankly an absolutely disgusting excuse for a Slytherin. She brought such ridicule to his majestic house, and he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her.

So, with this said, it was with uncharacteristic glee and a jump in his step as he led his newest friend towards Dumbledore's office, where the first meeting of the year was to be conducted. Thus far, Naruto had only met the Heads of Houses, so Severus was exceptionally excited to introduce her to the rest of the staff; one toad lady in particular.

"Severus, you seem… well dare I say; _excited_ almost. Are you okay?" Naruto asked in a concerned tone, her hand reaching to touch Snape's forehead.

"I am fine Naruto," Snape replied, quickly shifting his expression to his usual look of apathy, "I am merely looking forward to getting this meeting over worth."

Naruto eyed her new friend suspiciously, "Mhmm… If you say so."

Snape avoided eye contact, instead diverting his attention to the "interesting" portraits that decorated the halls. The Uzumaki narrowed her eyes, her friend was hiding something. Shrugging, she realized that no matter what it was, she would probably find out soon enough. When she thought of this moment later in the future, she wished that she choked Severus into telling her what was coming up. The smarmy bastard.

* * *

Albus's office was filled with the professors, the educators were all milling about and catching up on their summer breaks when Severus and Naruto strolled in.

"No way Sevvy! That did not happen!" Naruto cried out, tears welling down her cheeks from excessive laughter.

A smirk was spread across Snape's face as he monotonously replied, "I assure you Naruto, it did. I was just extraordinarily lucky that Minerva hadn't figured out _exactly_ who was in charge of setting those penguins loose."

Naruto burst out in laughter once more, "And what happened to the Gryffindors?"  
Snape looked proud as he responded, "Well of course they were blamed for the mayhem. By that time James Potter and his crew were already famous for their destructive pranks; so who would blame the quiet Slytherin when there are other perfectly viable suspects?"

Grabbing his arm dramatically, Naruto spoke, "Sevvy, you _have_ to help me with my future pranks. That was just too amazing!"

"Not as good as the one you played on the Uchiha compound."

"Ah yes, I'm oddly proud of that one. If only someone told me at the time that I would end up living there in the future."

"I don't think you would have believed them."

"Yeah you're right, I was too busy hating everything about those red-eyed bastards."

Sharing a small laugh together, the two friends sat down, steadily ignoring the incredulous stares that followed after them.

Septima Vector was a strict witch, she wasn't easily surprised or ever really taken aback by anything. So it said a lot that her jaw fell slack as she watched that odd scene, "Was Snape just… laughing?"

Filius just sighed sympathetically, "Trust me, I know."

"But… he doesn't… I mean… Snape doesn't get friends. Or laughter." Septima stammered.

"Oh I know."

"How did I not foresee this?" Trelawney asked, her voice filled with wonder.

"No one on Earth saw this coming." Pomona admitted.

"I am glad you are all here," Albus began the meeting, "To another wonderful year at Hogwarts!"

"Here here!" Most of the professors called out enthusiastically.

"We have a very exciting year coming ahead, with three wonderful new staff members!" Dumbledore announced, "Please welcome our first addition, the return on Professor Grubbly Plank as a substitute for our gamekeeper, Rubeus Hagrid. Another dear addition is the Undersecretary of the Ministry of Magic who has taken time from her _glorious_ position in order to teach here as the new professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts; Dolores Umbridge."

The rest of the professors clapped politely, yet Snape kept his arms firmly at his sides. He refused to show any modicum of respect for the vile woman.

"Hem hem," a high-pitched voice interrupted, "Thank you, Albus, for your kind words."

"Did this toad-looking woman just interrupt Albus?" Naruto whispered to Severus.

"I'm afraid so." He glowered.

"Her outfit is so… pink!"

"It is."

Naruto shuddered, "And here I thought that all the orange I wore is an eye-sore."

"Nothing you wear is an eye sore."

"Aww that's so sweet! But, seriously, I wanna punch this woman in her teeth."

"We all do Naruto, we all do."

Umbridge continued her speech, "I seek to become close friends with all of my new coworkers; creating a wonderful staff to allow for the refinement of education in accordance of the Ministry laws. I believe it was out very own Minister who once said-"

She continued her mind-numbing speech for several minutes, until Naruto spoke a bit too loudly, "When in Kami's sake is this lady going to finish boring us half to death?"

Umbridge immediately stopped speaking in shock, as Snape withheld a chuckle, " _Excuse me?"_

"Yes you're excused." Naruto answered with an innocent smile.

"Who is this little girl?" Umbrige spat out, anger coloring her words.

Naruto stood from her seat in anger, "Little girl? _Little girl_? I was ripping out the spinal cords of grown men when you were still playing with dolls."

Severus grinned as he placed a hand on Naruto's shoulders, "As much as I am enjoying this, perhaps you should take a seat. I'm sure the two of you can get into it some other day."

Naruto shot the older woman one last glare as she took her seat. Before Umbridge could continue her rant, Dumbledore spoke, his voice laced with amusement, "And that would be our other newest addition, the dynamic Naruto Uzumaki, Professor of Physical Defense."

"Hem hem," Umbridge interrupted, "Physical defense? We have never needed such a subject."

"Ah yes. Well, we have noticed during our TriWizard Tournament the year before that some of our students may be lacking the physical capabilities that one needs in life. What would a student do without their wand if stuck in a perilous situation?" Albus explained.

"Are you saying that these school age children are expecting some attack?" Umbridge asked incredulously.

Naruto snorted, unable to stay quiet, "Of course they are! Everybody should always expect an attack coming, it's just the way to survive."

"Oh, and what would a little girl like you know about proper physical defense?" The toad lady taunted.

"A hell of a lot more than you." Naruto responded honestly.

Umbridge huffed in anger, turning her attentions towards Dumbledore, "Albus, what were you thinking hiring a young, immature girl like this? And _have you seen what she's wearing!?_ Is that _leather_?"

Naruto grinned, "Why yes, yes it is. Thank you so very much for noticing!"

The Undersecretary turned red in frustration, "What an inappropriate outfit to wear at a school! Do not tell me you mean to prance around in this… this… objectifying attire in front of the students?"

Naruto shrugged, "Hey lady, if you can wear that bizarre pink atrocity, then I can wear my leather."

"Albus surely even you must agree that this is too much?"

"I'm afraid that Professor Uzumaki is free to wear whatever she pleases, it's in her employee contract after all." Dumbledore defended.

Naruto smiled, she was glad that Shikamaru was able to draw up the contract for her; the lazy shinobi knew better than most just how much Naruto despised wearing any sorts of robes.

"It's still unprofessional." Umbridge sneered.

Naruto cracked her knuckles, "Call me unprofessional one more time you hag, and I'll-"

"Naruto," Snape interrupted, "Some decorum please."

Naruto glared at the woman, "You're seriously lucky that I respect Sevvy so much, otherwise I would have knocked you out by now."

Umbridge gasped, "How incredibly barbaric! Surely she cannot teach here Albus."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "Like I said Dolores, she signed a contract. She's here for the remainder of the year, I suggest the two of you become aquatinted. After all, Defense of the Dark Arts and Physical Defense are closely linked classes."

* * *

"I hate her. I hate everything about her. Her hair, her stupid face, her stupid clothes. And then she had the _audacity_ to comment on my outfit! MINE! My outfit is badass, perfected for both aesthetics and for fighting. Hers is just there to warn us that she's approaching from several kilometers away." Naruto ranted as she marched back down to her room, which happened to be close by to Severus's.

Snape sighed, "She is an atrocious woman."

"And Albus must be going senile if he thinks that I'm going to play nice and _collaborate_ my class with hers! I don't care how _similar_ our classes are! It's not happening!"

"I'm sure he just said that to outline your importance as a Professor here Naruto."

"Ugh, why did he even hire the unlikable toad anyways?"

"He didn't, well not exactly. She was sent by the Ministry in order to spy on Hogwarts. The Minister, for some odd reason, believes that Dumbledore is after his position. So he sent Umbridge to report back to him."

Naruto raised a brow, "Why would Albus want to be Minister? He already has his hands full between running Hogwarts and the Order."

"Exactly, they're baseless accusations, but Umbridge is determined to dig up anything she can. They have been doing whatever they can to squash the rumors of the rising of Voldemort."

"Are they idiots?" Naruto deadpanned.

"Quite."

"How unfortunate," Naruto sighed, "Well at least the Order will be safe from their inquisitions, as long as they're determined to not believe in the Dark Lord's rising."

"Which reminds me, would you be able to come with us during Winter Break to our Headquarters? You will be able to meet the rest of the members then."

Naruto grinned, "I'd be happy to."

* * *

Shikamaru took another swig of his whisky as he waited for his friend to appear. Soon enough, the Uchiha took a seat besides the lazy jonin, ordering a whisky for himself.

"Why'd you call me here?" Sasuke asked, as he quickly paid the bartender for his drink.

"You always cut the pleasantries, huh?" Shikamaru noticed.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "We've known each other for long enough to not need the exchange of pleasantries, Nara. Now, why'd you ask me to come here?"

Shikamaru sighed as he slid over a piece of paper, "According to Shinobi Law in Konoha, a ninja needs to be field tested by a viable fighting simulation every six months. Usually, a formal test in unneeded due to the amount of missions each respective ninja takes. That allows the council to know that the shinobi are still ready for battle and physically fit enough. However, in the case of long-term missions where a battle is not expected, a shinobi of the aforementioned ninja's level or higher must be dispatched in order to test them in physical combat. And well, Naruto is a Hokage candidate, there's only one really option we can send."

Sasuke spoke, "So basically, what you're saying is that someone needs to go test Naruto so that we're sure she's not slacking in training, and I'm the only one strong enough to do it?"

Shikamaru nodded, "Yeah, basically. There also needs to be a proctor there of a higher rank in order to make the evaluation. That would be me, as Jonin Commander."

"When do we leave?"

"A few months at the latest."

Sasuke grinned, "Excellent."

* * *

"Wow, she's hot." Ron stated, practically drooling over the gorgeous woman sitting besides Snape at the staff table.

Harry momentarily tore his eyes away from the pink clad woman to look at the object of Ron's compliments, "Wow, she really is beautiful."

There was no denying that Professor Naruto Uzumaki was gorgeous. All long legs, lengthy blond hair that went down to her waist, an orange long-sleeve shirt and skin tight black leather pants which showed off her impressive figure. She was breathtaking, and everybody knew it.

"Boy!" Hermione lectured, "She's sitting at the staff table, which means she's obviously our professor. You can't drool over our teacher!"

"But she's hot!" Ron defended.

"Don't you remember what we overheard at _that place_ a week ago?" Hermione asked, "About a certain professor that might join a certain secret something?"

Harry and Ron's eyes both widened at the reminder. They had forgotten all about the meeting where they overheard Snape speak about the new professor that he recommended to join the Order.

"That can't be her," Harry said, "Isn't she a too little young to be the one joining the… _certain something_?"

Ron shrugged, "I mean both Charlie and Tonks are a part of it. And if she's old enough to teach here then certainly she's old enough to join."

"The only one who vouched for her character is _Snape_. That's not exactly a viable source." Harry whispered, suspicion coloring his voice.

"You can't be suspicious about someone just because _Professor_ Snape finds her trustworthy." Hermione said with an exasperated sigh.

"Sounds like a good enough reason to me." Ron admitted.

"Ugh, boys!" Hermione spat out.

Harry kept staring at their new professor, watching as she ate what he thought was ramen. Huh, he didn't even know that Hogwarts _had_ ramen. He watched as she laughed jovially, wiping away stray tears from her eyes. He watched as she leaned in close to Snape to whisper something in his ear, and he watched as Snape smirked in response.

"Is it just me, or do Snape and our new professor seem really close?" Harry noticed.

"Yeah, you're right. Maybe they're friends?" Hermione guessed.

Ron snorted, "Snape doesn't _have_ friends. Especially not one as hot as she is. No. No way."

Naruto, finishing up her ramen, threw her gaze around the Great Hall, only to catch several students staring up at her in awe and lust. She withheld a giggle as she whispered to her friend, "Hey Sevvy, I seem to be pretty popular with the students already."

Snape followed the blonds gaze, noticing the amount of boys who were drooling about the woman, and the amount of glares from jealous girls. Shrugging, he responded, "You're a pretty woman they've never seen before. They'll get over it once they see how vindictive you are in class."

Naruto gasped dramatically, her hand placed above her heart, "Me? Vindictive? Heavens no, I'm too kind and innocent for such things!"

"Oh really?" Snape asked with a drawl, "Remind me again how your wedding plans are going?"

Naruto winced at the reminder. Perhaps it was a mistake telling her friend about how she was able to saddle her fiancé with all the tedious plans while she was on this mission, "That was a low blow Sevvy."

"I'm sure you'll get over it." Snape replied sarcastically.

"Hey look over there Sevvy! It's Draco!" Naruto exclaimed, waving at the blond boy sitting with the rest of the Slytherins. Draco, noticing this, waved back. He quite liked the new Professor.

"Malfoy," Blaise leaned over and whispered, "Is our new hot professor waving at you?"

Draco couldn't help the smug smile as he replied, "Yes she is."

"How did you meet her?" Pansy questioned, jealousy seeping into her voice.

Draco shrugged, returning to his meal, "She's a friend of Professor Snapes. My mother and I bumped into them shopping in Diagon Alley."

"A friend of Snapes?" Daphne questioned with a smirk, "In that case, we might finally have another professor not biased against Slytherins."

Draco's eyes widened at the revelation, "It looks like you're right. She was absolutely lovely to my mother and I. We might actually have our new favorite professor, and the year had yet to even begin."

With the conclusion of the feast, Dumbledore rose up to make his announcements. After warning children about the list of rules, as well as the fact that the Forbidden Forest is strictly forbidden, he got to introducing the new staff members, "We have had three changes in staffing this year. We are very pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking Care of Magical Creatures lessons; we are also delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"Hem hem," a voice interrupted, "Thank you, Headmaster, for those kind words of welcome."

"Oh for fucks sake this woman never shuts up." Naruto sighed, slamming her head down on the table in frustration.

Harry and Ron nodded off during Umbridge's long, long speech about education, whereas Hermione was paying rapt attention.

The boys were only snapped out of their miniature nap when Dumbledore finally spoke, "Thank you very much, Professor Umbridge, that was most illuminating."

"Yes, it certainly was illuminating," said Hermione in a low voice.

"You're not telling me you enjoyed it?" Ron said quietly, turning a glazed face towards Hermione. "That was about the dullest speech I've ever heard, and I grew up with Percy."

"I said illuminating, not enjoyable," said Hermione. "It explained a lot."

"Did it?" said Harry in surprise. "Sounded like a load of waffle to me."

"There was some important stuff hidden in the waffle," said Hermione grimly.

"Was there?" said Ron blankly.

"How about: 'progress for progress's sake must be discouraged'? How about: 'pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited'?"

"Well, what does that mean?" said Ron impatiently.

"I'll tell you what it means," said Hermione through gritted teeth. "It means the Ministry's interfering at Hogwarts."

Dumbledore continued, "As I was saying, our third addition to the Hogwarts staff comes in the form of Professor Naruto Uzumaki, who will be teaching a brand new mandatory class for all years; Physical Defense."

As Naruto stood to wave at her new students, a large thundering applause greeted her. She grinned and stuck her tongue out at Snape, who looked amused at the whole situation.

"Physical Defense?" Ron asked, "Why would we need that?"

"Well, wizards as a society do tend to neglect physical exercise, relying on their wands for everything instead. Perhaps Dumbledore wanted us to be more prepared for the war." Hermione guessed.

Harry hummed in response, "Perhaps. It might even be useful to us."

Ron interjected, "I just don't see how she can teach us physical defense. I mean… she's a girl!"

"Something tells me that this particular professor is going to be full of surprises." Hermione admitted.


	5. A New Favorite

Fred Weasley was practically vibrating from his seat on the floor mat, a large grin of excitement spread across his fine features. His eyes were sparkling with amusement and anticipation; he always enjoyed finding a new victim.

Professor Uzumaki was hot. Very hot. She was currently leaning back on the chalk board, her arms crossed in contemplation as she stared down all the Gryffindor and Slytherin 7th Year students that were gathered in the large, empty classroom. When the students first walked into the classroom, they were shocked to see it devoid of furniture. Instead, there were workout mats spread all across the floor. After standing awkwardly for a few seconds, a few brave students decided to take a seat on them. Seeing that their Professor had not stopped them, the rest of the students followed suit. It was her very first class, and it was quite obvious to the elder twin that she was trying to determine which student would crack from the pressured silence first. But Fred wouldn't give in. He had a prank to pull successfully, so he couldn't give himself away. Not yet.

Anyways, despite her intimidating glare and aura, she still managed to look hot. Or maybe it was _because_ of her glare that she looked so good. Regardless of her unparalleled beauty, and seriously Fred was certain that she was way more gorgeous than any Veela he had ever seen, he and his twin were still planning on pranking her. Sharing a grin with George who sat beside him, he returned his attention to his new professor.

Soon enough, a full, excruciatingly silent five minutes after class was scheduled to begin, a tentative hand from the Slytherin side was raised, "Professor? Is there something you would like us to do?"

The intimidating glare on Professor Uzumaki's face was soon wiped, a large grin replacing it, "Finally! It took you guys a whole five minutes to get over yourselves and finally ask what it is that you're supposed to do."

"Your name?" She asked the Slytherin boy.

"Adrian Pucey." The boy replied, straightening his posture.

Naruto nodded, "Five points to house Slytherin." Snape had explained the House points to her earlier that week, and Naruto was excited to use it to her advantage.

The Slytherins exchanged high fives, before Angelina raised her hand, "Professor, may I ask as to what the point behind the silent treatment was?"

Uzumaki kicked herself off the board, pacing in front of the mats, "Okay, first of all, you guys aren't children. There's no need for that whole 'raising your hand' thing. You are all adults here, act like it. You got something to say? Say it. Second, to answer your question Miss…?"

"Angelina Johnson."

"Miss. Angelina, in the real world, no one is going to take the time to stop and explain every little thing to you. One has to take initiative and learn how to control their situation. I'm here to teach you all Physical Defense, however in conjunction, I am also here to instruct you on the ways of the real world. Fighting and defense ultimately boil down to understanding your surroundings, and by taking control, you are now in a position of higher situational awareness." Naruto lectured.

The Slytherins all exchanged looks. This sounded eerily similar to their own personal beliefs, the need to seize power for oneself in order to control the narrative. Naruto continued, "Being aware of your personal surroundings is the first lesson of Physical Defense. It is one I can thankfully teach today as you are all dressed in these ridiculous robes, however I ask that next time, please come ready in pants and trainers."

Fred began to raise his hand, before lowering it, "So Professor, why were you glaring at us then? Wouldn't you have accomplished the same thing even if you were not glaring?"

Naruto smirked, "Five points to Gryffindor for your astute observation, Mr…?"

Fred blinked. He had never, in all 7 years at Hogwarts, been awarded House Points, "Fred Weasley."

"Well Mr. Fred, to answer your inquiry, I was glaring in order to intimidate you all. If I'm to believe the many rumors circulating, there is quite a bit to fear here in the British Wizarding World. No one is going to wait for you to get over your fear, you must learn how to confront it, and overcome it, despite every fiber in your body wanting nothing more than to run away."

"What are your thoughts on fear, Professor?" Katie Bell questioned.

Naruto snorted, "Well I'm far from a Philosopher, as I'm quite sure my fiancé would laugh at the mere suggestion."

"Damn it, she's engaged?" George quietly whispered to Fred, who frowned in return.

Naruto, ignoring the small exchange, continued, "Fear is a good thing, I believe. It stops one from being completely reckless. However in times of true danger, one must do whatever they can to overcome said fear, for it can serve as a hindrance."

"How will this class work? And why aren't there any desks or chairs?" Alicia asked.

Adrian Pucey rolled his eyes, answering, "It's a Physical Defense class. I'm assuming we're not going to be taking notes on the theory of it, but actually running through the moves and exercises."

"That's correct Mr. Adrian, five points to Slytherin." Naruto affirmed. The Slytherins once more exchanged bewildered glances. A Professor willing to give them House Points who wasn't Snape? This was practically unheard of. This woman was a godsend, they were now sure of it. Continuing, Naruto spoke, "Make sure to come to class in something you can exercise in next time. For each students who's not wearing a proper outfit, I'll take away five points from their respective house. During our usual class, I will demonstrate a move, which I will later have you all practice in pairs. Now, there isn't much time left for the first class, are there any other questions?"

"How old are you Professor? You seem quite… young," Lee pointed out.

"I'm 20," She answered candidly.

"20?! That's so young!" Angelina exclaimed.

"I may be young, but I have experience. That's all that matters. Any other questions?"

"Is it true you're friends with Snape?" George asked without fear, noticing the smiles shared between the two professors during the sorting ceremony and breakfast this morning.

Naruto blinked, "Well, yeah, of course I am. Sevvy is freaking awesome! Why wouldn't I be friends with him?"

Pucey laughed, "Some people, Professor, don't see Professor Snape's appeal."

Naruto tilted her head in confusion, "Why not? Like I said, Sevvy is awesome. He's my new best friend, an absolute riot. You guys should _hear_ the pranks that he used to pull as a student."

Silence. Confusion. Bewilderment. These feelings practically radiated off of the students.

"I'm sorry, did you just say that Professor Snape of all people likes pranks?" Fred inquired incredulously.

Naruto nodded proudly, a large grin on her face, "Yup! He used to pull some really good ones on the Gryffindors. I'm actually quite proud of him."

Fred and George shared a look, "We're going to have to ask Snape about this."

"For sure. We might get killed though." George agreed.

"Worth it."

"For sure."

"Which reminds me," Naruto spoke just as class was coming to an end, "Five points off of Gryffindor."

"What, why?!" The Gryffindors questioned in anger.

Naruto tilted her head towards the Weasley's, "You could blame the wonder twins over there. Don't think that I didn't notice you guys slipping some type of pouches under the mats. I'm assuming there's some sort of secondary function to them?"

George grinned. While he was surprised at the fact that the Professor caught them, he was even more impressed, "It turns into a swamp if left unattended for a few hours."

Naruto smirked, "That's an interesting use of magic. Clean it up after class."

"Yes ma'am!" The twins agreed. As the class ended, and the rest of the students trickled out of the room, the pranksters stayed behind to clean up as promised. It wasn't fun pulling a prank if she had already caught them. They'll get her next time.

Naruto hummed, a cunning smirk spreading, "Let's make a bet."

The twins tilted their head simultaneously in confusion, "A bet?"

"From a Professor."

"With a student."

"Isn't that-"

"A little-"

"Unprofessional?" They finished saying together.

Naruto shrugged, "Perhaps. But I'm not exactly known for my professionalism, so I assure you it will come as no surprise to anyone."

"What kind of-"

"Bet are you-"

"Thinking of?"

Naruto smiled, "For every unsuccessful prank that you try on me, I'll take away five house points. I'll keep track of every point that I take away, and if you finally manage to succeed in getting me, I'll award you back double the amount of points that I've taken."

Fred frowned, "What's the catch?"

"Yeah there's no way-"

"That it's-"

"That easy."

Naruto crossed her arms in amusement, "You boys are smart. For every unsuccessful prank, you boys will also have to serve detention with me. I have a bunch of menial tasks to do that I have no interest in actually completing, so I'll just pawn them all off onto you."

"And if we succeed?" George asked.

Naruto grinned widely, "If you succeed, I'll personally help you prank Umbridge. So, do we have a deal?"

The twin grinned, "Deal!"

"Then I'll see you at detention tonight at eight! I hope you enjoy wedding planning, because I sure as hell am not planning on doing any of it!" Naruto called as she skipped out of the classroom with a victorious laugh.

* * *

"So how were your first classes?" Snape questioned his blond friend as they ate lunch. It was only the first day of the semester, and already Snape was sick of it.

Naruto shrugged, "So far, I've only had the 7th years. Gryffindors and Slytherins first, followed by a class with Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws."

"So you've met the Weasley twins, I presume?" Snape deducted.

Naruto grinned, "Oh yeah, I absolutely love those two! They're a riot! Although, I feel the need to warn you."

"Warn me?" Snape questioned with a quirked eyebrow.

Naruto chuckled nervously, her hand scratching the back of her head, "I _may_ have told them about how you used to pull pranks back during your Hogwarts days."

Snape groaned, "They're going to be pestering me for the rest of the year, aren't they?"

Naruto nodded sympathetically, "Yeah probably. Wait until I tell you about the bet I made with them! So it started when I caught them slipping these pouches under the mats…"

* * *

"I'm in love." Fred declared as he took a seat next to Harry at the Gryffindor table.

"No no, my dearest twin, you're mistaken. For certainly, I am the one who is truly in love." George spoke, taking a seat on the other side of Potter.

"My lovely, less-attractive brother, surely you jest. For I am the one in love." Fred continued.

"What are you two even talking about?" Ron interrupted. He had learned long ago that if someone didn't interrupt, the twins would continue for a long _long_ time _._

"Why, Professor Uzumaki of course!" The twin announced in tandem.

Harry almost spat out his pumpkin juice in surprise, "Wait, what?!"

"You can't be in love with a Professor!" Hermione lectured, "Its ridiculous to even insinuate."

"But she's perfect," Fred purred, a dreamy look entering his eyes, "She loves pranks and bets."

"She's hot," George continued.

"She's Intelligent."

"And hot."

"Is playful."

"In a hot way."

"Hates professionalism."

"Which is _ridiculously_ hot."

"She can't stand Umbridge."

"So hot."

"And just manipulated us into planning her wedding."

"Which is so freaking hot if it wasn't for the fact that we now hate her unknown fiancé."

"Wait wait wait," Harry interrupted, "Professor Uzumaki is engaged?"

The twins nod, "Yeah, she is. But we don't really know anything about him."

"Huh," Hermione mused, "If she's engaged, then what is she doing teaching here? A year is a long time to be away from ones significant other."

"Plus, there's the fact that she's foreign," Harry mentioned, "In all honesty, what do we really know about her? She's a foreigner who has come here to teach for some mysterious reason. She has an unknown fiance, and she's actually friendly with Snape!"

"Do you think she's a death eater?" Ron asked, his voice in a whisper.

The twins rolled their eyes, "The three of you are just being ridiculous. Professor Uzumaki is awesome, stop assuming that everyone you meet is on the Dark side."

"Then how would you explain her friendship with Snape, huh?" Harry inquired.

Fred shrugged, "George here actually asked her about it. Apparently, she doesn't see what's wrong with 'Sevvy', he's awesome in her eyes."

George continued, "Her new best friend, she insists."

"According to her, Snape is a fan of pulling pranks. He supposedly used to do it all the time during his school days," Fred related.

"You're joking," Ron concluded, "There's no way that greasy git actually used to pull pranks, nor could anyone find him 'awesome'. Especially not someone as hot as Professor Uzumaki."

He winced as Hermione slapped his shoulder, "What? You didn't hit the twins when they called her hot, but you hit me?"

Hermione huffed, "Well, the twins are at least older and closer to her age."

"She _is_ only 20," George confirmed.

"And I'd be careful with calling Snape any names in her presence. She seems extraordinarily protective over her new friend, and trust me, she's not the type of person you want to alienate," Fred warned.

"Well, at least our first class with her on Wednesday won't be boring," Harry admitted.

* * *

The twins just sweat dropped, "You weren't kidding when you said that you were going to make us plan your wedding." The pranksters had just arrived to Uzumaki's office, located deep in the dungeons near the Potions classroom, where Naruto was seated behind a large mahogany desk. As the two entered, she gestured towards the two empty seats in front of her, where she proceeded to slide over a wedding portfolio, before going back to writing her letter.

Naruto laughed, "Of course I wasn't! I was originally planning on leaving it to my bastard of a fiancé, but knowing him, he won't do a single thing. This seems like a better solution."

Fred rubbed the back of his head, "But we don't know much about wedding planning."

"Not exactly our area of expertise," George admitted.

"All the important information is outlined in the binder. You guys just have to put it together into a concise plan." Naruto spoke.

Flipping through the binder, Fred noticed, "All that's here is plans for some guy named Shikamaru's wedding."

Naruto grinned, "Yeah he's one of my closest friends. I stole that binder from him before I left. Just use it to plan my wedding; change the color scheme, play around with some details. With enough work, it can look like a completely different ceremony."

"Why us?" George couldn't help but ask.

Naruto shrugged, "Like I said, I had no intention of ever doing this myself. But in all honesty, the two of you are smart, _much_ smarter than anyone here gives you credit for. Sevvy even said you two were his two most brilliant students."

The twins jaws drooped, "Wait, _Snape_ said that _we_ were _brilliant_?!"

Naruto nodded, "He did. Granted, he hates that your Gryffindors, and he's annoyed at your pranks and your lack of respect, but Sevvy is a smart man, and he appreciates intelligence. He noticed your affinity for his expertise, and respects your creativity. Which is why I picked you. Sevvy doesn't hand out compliments easily."

"I- We had no idea," George gasped.

"That's because the two of you are too busy holding old prejudices against him. His past doesn't dictate his present you know," Naruto lectured.

"We'll… try to be less disrespectful in the future," Fred uttered. There weren't many people who understood their sheer brilliance, most people just saw them as idiotic pranksters. No one really notices the amount of work and magic that went into their pranks. For _Snape_ of all people to see it… well maybe he wasn't as bad as they believed.

Naruto grinned, "That's all I ask. Now, get to work! I need this wedding planning completed before the end of the year."

* * *

The following morning, Sasuke was happy to see an owl waiting for him at his office's window ledge. Taking the letter, and handing the small animal a treat, he took a seat at his desk and opened the message from his fiancé.

 _Dear Teme,_

 _I just had my very first day of teaching, and let me tell you, I'm a natural! Well, at least I think so, but the students seemed to like me, (Suck it Kakashi-sensei). So far, I'll I've had were the 7_ _th_ _Years in the morning, followed by the 1_ _st_ _and 3_ _rd_ _Years in the afternoon. But anyways, I have great news: I found someone to plan our wedding!_

 _I know that you're way to much of a bastard to ever even begin planning, so I pawned it off on my two new favorite students. You are going to absolutely love them. They're twin brothers, and fabulous pranksters! Though they could use a little more practice in not getting caught, although I suppose it's not fair considering I'm a ninja and all, but I digress. After making a bet with those two, they now have to serve detention with me, where they spend three hours planning our wedding. It's absolutely ingenious._

 _Sevvy says that they're brilliant, granted he did it begrudgingly (he doesn't like Gryffindors), but he still respected them enough to actually voice his positive opinion out loud._

 _Anyways, make sure to actually write back!_

 _Love,_

 _Your super hot future wife_

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Only Naruto would think that letting two random wizarding students plan their wedding was a smart idea. Well, at least now he had an excuse to not do the planning himself. Laughing, he picked up a pen and proceeded to write her back.


	6. A New Respect

Harry shifted nervously, his back aching from his hunched over position as he sat awkwardly on that mat. It's been a full 15 minutes since they had walked into their very first class with Professor Uzumaki, yet the elusive teacher was no where to be found. Exchanging a glance with Ron, he spoke, "Do we just go back to our dorms?"

Hermione looked shocked at the very idea, "And leave class without permission?!"

Ron shrugged, "Well it's not like our Professor cares. She's not even here in the first place, so obviously it doesn't matter to her if we leave early or not."

"This makes no sense," Hermione whispered to herself.

Ron, having finally grown tired from sitting in the same position, stood up to stretch, "Sure it makes sense. She's young, she probably doesn't care enough. I say we go back to our dorms and get some sleep before we're forced to face Umbridge again."

Harry grumbled as he recalled the sheer idiocy of their new toad-like Professor. They had their first class with the pink woman on Monday, where she immediately forced them to put away their wands. After degrading the entire class by treating them like children, she then proceeded to claim that Harry was a liar, and that the Dark Lord was indeed dead. He now had a lovely detention lined up for Friday evening, consequently causing him to miss Quidditch tryouts. He gulped. Angelina was going to kill him.

Agreeing that he could probably use the extra rest, it wasn't as though Professor Naruto gave him any reason to respect her, he also stood, heading for the door. The rest of the Gryffindor's, bar Hermione of course, seemed to agree with the boys, gathering their supplies and standing up as well.

"You guys have got to be kidding me," Hermione groaned in exasperation.

"Come on Mione, Professor Uzumaki obviously doesn't care about class," Ron spoke.

"She's a Professor," Hermione gasped.

"She's also friends with Snape. I wouldn't be surprised if she did all this on behalf of her newest 'best friend'. Even Fred and George admitted that the girl was a prankster," Harry reasoned.

"Don't disrespect our Professor," Hermione snapped, "She wouldn't prank her students."

"This is the same Professor that conned the Weasley Twins into planning her wedding, right? Who's to say that she's not pranking us too?" Lavender interjected.

"Well… I mean…" Hermione stammered.

Seeing that his friend was struggling to defend their wayward teacher, Harry spoke, "I'll reiterate. She's friends with Snape. _Snape._ Whose to say why she does things? We could be using this time to actually do something productive, like studying." Potter has been friends with the bookworm for too long to not know how to convince the studious girl.

Slowly raising, she spoke calmly, "I… suppose you may be correct."

Some of the less intelligent Slytherins, such as Crabbe and Goyle, made a subtle move to follow the lions, but a quick glare from Draco Malfoy halted their actions.

Pansy let out a laugh, noticing Malfoy's silent command, "Oh that's classic! Run away little Lions, I can't wait until Professor Uzumaki rips you a new one."

With one last glare thrown at the snakes, Harry marched out of the classroom, the rest of Gryffindor following silently.

"20 points to Slytherin for seeing underneath the underneath," A feminine voice called out just as the Gryffindor's were exiting the room. Turning to the back of the classroom, they were alarmed to find their professor calmly leaning on the back wall, her arms crossed, "And 20 points from Gryffindor for the mass attempt to leave class early."

"But Professor we-" Ron started.

"Stop talking and sit down," Naruto commanded as she strolled to the front of the classroom. The Gryffindor's all gulped as they scrambled back to the mats.

"Did you see how she got there?" Harry whispered harshly to the red-haired boy.

Ron quickly shook his head, "I have no idea. She wasn't there a second ago!"

Throwing a gaze across the room, Naruto sighed. These wizards needed even more assistance than she thought. "When I was young," She began lecturing, "I had this teacher who would constantly be late to every single 'class' that we had. Without fail. And not by a mere 15 minutes, I'm talking two or three hours on average."

The students seemed shocked at that. Naruto grumbled under her breathe, these children certainly had no patience, "So my classmates and I were forced to wait for hours until our teacher decided to show up. Usually we did this on minimal amounts of sleep, since he often scheduled classes at 5 in the morning, and then didn't show until well after 8. Can anybody hazard a guess as to why he did so?"

Hermione tentatively raised her hand.

Naruto rolled her eyes before speaking, "You guys are almost adults by wizarding standards right? Don't raise your hands, just talk. Now, you with the hair, what's your name?"

The book lover blushed a bit before responding, "Hermione Granger."

"Okay Miss. Hermione, why do you believe my teacher made us wait?"

"To… teach you patience?"

Naruto nodded slightly, "That's a part of the reason. Five points to Gryffindor."

Hermione grinned, happy to gain points to her house after the massive hit it had just taken.

"To break you," A voice called out.

Naruto's eyes narrowed on the boy who had spoken, "Please clarify Mr…?"

"Zabini. Blaise Zabini. Your teacher wanted to break you. By making you wait for him day after day, he was slowly breaking down your ego. You were his students, so he commanded you. It was forcing you to respect him, because no matter how long he made you wait, you would still continue."

Naruto grinned, finally, a modicum of intelligence, "10 points to Slytherin for Mr. Blaise's astute explanation. I was just a mere student, despite how powerful or smart I thought I was, I knew almost nothing compared to a master like him. When I first became his student, I was arrogant, unrightfully so. He taught me, as well as my other classmates, to shove aside our egos. Now can anybody tell me why I made you all wait today?"

"You wanted to see who would actually respect you enough to wait," Harry spoke in realization.

"Five points to Gryffindor. What Mr…?"

"Harry Potter," Harry said, shocked that he wasn't recognized. He couldn't recall the last time that happened, not since before his first trip to Diagon Alley.

Uzumaki showed no signs of astonishment as she continued, "What Mr. Harry has observed is indeed correct. While you may not know me yet, I am still a Professor of Hogwarts. Now, that's not to say that all Hogwarts Professors are credible, one pink-toad-like atrocity comes to mind, however I still demand respect in my classroom. I am here to teach you all physical defense, an aspect that you are all _severely_ lacking in. This class may save your life one day, so I expect you all to take it seriously. Anybody who doesn't put in maximum effort will join the Weasley Twins in daily detention until you come to your senses and perform to the best of your abilities. Oh, and if you think detentions will be easy, well, let's just say Mr. Fred has expressed his disappointment that he hasn't found enough test subjects for his products. I'd be more than happy to provide him some."

The feral grin that grew across Uzumaki's features was positively terrifying. The entire class gulped as Hermione gasped quietly, "That can't be legal!"

Harry just shook his head, "I honestly don't think she cares."

* * *

"Dude, that color is absolutely atrocious."

"No way! Magenta is a beautiful color!"

"It may be perfect for our store uniforms, but I'm fairly certain Professor Uzumaki will kill us if we even attempted to use Magenta as a color theme for her wedding."

Fred grumbled as he put away the swatches of magenta material that he had on him for some peculiar reason, "Fine, you _may_ have a point dear, less attractive brother of mine."

"What are you two even doing?" Angelina asked the twins, who were too busy reading from an enormous binder to eat their lunch.

George tore his gaze from the Binder-From-Hell to look at his classmate, "Wedding planning."

"Wedding planning?" Katie asked incredulously as she took another bite from her chicken.

"That's right," Fred confirmed as he returned his attention to the binder, "I don't think I like these chairs much. What do you say about Maple Wood?"

"We need an over-all color theme before we discuss chairs and the rest of decorations," George said, flipping the page.

Fred grunted in agreement, "She likes the color Orange, right? What if we use that color?"

George looked at his twin in shock, "Maybe a less audacious shade, it could-"

"Actually come out-"

"Really nice!" They finished together with a grin, as Fred reached into his book bag to bring out parchment and a quill.

"I'll send an owl to order a book of orange-colored fabric, we could pick the best shade that way," Fred spoke as he quickly wrote.

"Choose the express shipping. We'll need that book as soon as possible, since we need to choose a shade before the end of the week if we don't want to fall behind," George mentioned, as he continued flipping through the endless binder.

"Okay, I have to ask, what on earth are you two doing?" Ron asked.

The twin blinked as they shared a look, "Planning Professor Uzumaki's wedding of course!"

Harry's brows furrowed in confusion, "I thought you just had to plan the wedding during your detentions."

The twins chuckled nervously, "Well… We may have tried pranking Professor Uzumaki so much in the last few days, that we actually accumulated enough Detention to last the whole month. At this rate, we'll end up actually planning this entire wedding, so we decided to just commit." Fred admitted.

"And since we're going to end up planning the entire thing, we have to plan accordingly, and not waste time," George continued.

"And you're not planning on pranking it? You do have control over the whole thing, and she doesn't seem like the type to actually go over your work." Ron asked.

The twins exchanged a bewildered glance, as if the idea of pranking the wedding hadn't even come to them. "I don't think so," George spoke.

"What, you guys have all this power and are not using it?!" Katie exclaimed.

Fred sighed, "We actually respect Professor Uzumaki. She, in the mere two days since we've been stuck in detention, already has a better grasp on our abilities and personalities than any other professor. She's already gave us more hints and pranking tips. We're not going to risk angering her by actually doing something idiotic like pranking the 'happiest day of her life'. We're not that stupid."

"Plus, it's actually somewhat fun to plan the wedding," George admitted.

"I can't believe she's making you plan her wedding! That's so irresponsible!" Hermione cried.

Every Gryffindor within hearing distance just turned to look at Hermione in shock. Neville spoke, "Did you just… disrespect a Professor?"

Hermione blushed in anger, "Well, I can't help it! First she leaves us all alone in a class, then she gives Slytherin more points, and then she threatens to have us act as guinea pigs for the twins pranks?! How irresponsible and unprofessional can she be?!"

Harry nodded, "She does seem unprofessional."

Even Ron had to agree, "She took the snakes side over us. She has to have a loose screw somewhere, not even mentioning the fact that she adores Snape."

"Wow, you three are idiots. What did you do to piss her off?" George asked them.

"Nothing!" Ron exclaimed.

"Actually," Neville timidly spoke, "We tried leaving her class only 15 minutes in because she wasn't there."

"Everybody?" Fred asked.

Longbottom nodded, "All the Gryffindors at least. The Slytherins stayed seated, so they got awarded 20 points."

"At least that explains how Slytherin was able to pull into the lead this early into the semester," Lee Jordan grumbled.

"But that's only because she tricked us!" Hermione said.

"Well, yeah, duh. Of course she tried to trick you all. Professor Uzumaki is only 20, how else was she supposed to get your respect? If she came in and acted like any other professor, none of us would have respected her, and her youth would have caused her to loose all authority. So she had to switch tactics." George explained with a shrug.

* * *

"So she tried to use fear tactics against us in order to establish a sense of authority?" Daphne Greengrass questioned.

Adrian Pucey nodded as he answered, "Yes. It's quite ingenious really. Professor Uzumaki is only three years older than I , yet she has a better grip on manipulation than most of us seasoned Slytherins. She would have done good in our house."

Draco continued, "She's also friends with Professor Snape, he may have had a hand in it as well. But even so, I must admit, she quickly got all of us to respect her. Us Slytherins now respect her cunning, and see it as admirable. The Gryffindor's on the other hand just respect that she's honestly quite terrifying. She killed two birds with one stone."

"Don't forget her intelligence," Theo Nott interjected, "It was the first day of class. While we didn't come in proper uniform, she didn't waste time by going over a syllabus. Instead, she taught us a valuable lesson in observation."

"Professor Uzumaki is a force to be reckoned with. We need to take her class seriously. All of us. We finally have a Professor willing to put aside prejudices. She treats Potter as if she had never even heard his name, while simultaneously treating us all as equals. We will show her exactly why Slytherin is the best house in Hogwarts." Malfoy declared.

* * *

"I heard that you caused quite the scene with your fifth years today," Severus mentioned to his friend.

Naruto blinked innocently, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I believe it was something about threatening the students to serve detentions as the Weasley Twins test dummies?"

"OHH, that! Well, that was nothing, merely a jest," Naruto waved him away.

Severus chuckled, "Good use of Machiavellian fear tactics in order to establish a sense of control."

Naruto sighed, "I should have assumed you would see right through me."

"It was actually my students. Mr. Malfoy in particular finds your methods quite admirable."

Naruto grinned, "Your godson is smart, a whole lot smarter than people give him credit for. He was the only fifth year to see through my tactics instantaneously. While the Gryffindor's were all ready to leave the class, he kept his entire house seated with nothing but a glare. Quite impressive really."

Severus shrugged, "House Slytherin generally sticks together. They have learned through experience to trust young Draco's instincts."

Naruto nodded as she leaned back, her voice dropping to a whisper, "I need to beat that same sense of trust into the rest of the class. There's quite a lot of animosity between the different houses. They need to all trust each other seamlessly, _especially_ if there's a war around the corner."

The Potion Master winced, "Why do I have a feeling that when you say 'beat into them', you mean it quite literally?"

Naruto just grinned in response.

* * *

Sakura sighed as she continued her rounds. She has been working a 48 hour shift, and was quite exhausted. Quite a few med-nin were out on a mission, so Sakura was forced to pick up the slack in the hospital. Opening the door into the next patients room, she was quite surprised to see the raven hair of her old teammate and former crush.

"Sasuke-kun! What are you doing here?!" She may not have had a crush on the Uchiha anymore, at least not since he and Naruto announced their engagement, but she had spent a decade chasing after him, so some habits stuck.

"Hey Sakura. I'm just here for my physical." Sasuke responded monotonously. He had yet to completely forgive the girl for her adamant refusal to believe the fact that he was dating their blond knuckle-headed teammate. While it was over a year ago, and quite literally during a war, he didn't appreciate how Sakura put down the love of his life. She regretted her actions deeply, he knew, but no one ever claimed that he forgave easy.

Sakura winced. She deserved it, she was quite mean to Naruto for a few months after she and Sasuke started dating. It took a quite literally death-defying battle and a tear-soaked apology for the Medical Ninja to finally get over herself and see how her actions were hurting her supposed 'Best-friend'.

Changing her gloves, she inquired, "So how's the wedding planning going? Naruto get sick of it yet?"

Sasuke shrugged, "Wouldn't know. Naruto conned twin prankster wizards from The Outside to plan the actual wedding."

Blink. Pause. Blink.

"What?"

* * *

Naruto suppressed the bloodlust that was threatening to take over her senses. "I will not kill the toad, I will not kill the toad, I will not kill the toad," She chanted quietly to herself. Every part of her being hated comparing the evil pink monstrosity to her wonderful summons, but ever since Severus had mentioned that nickname to her, she couldn't help but consider it accurate. Silently, she sent an apology to her summons.

Anyways, Umbridge, in her oh-so-infinite wisdom, decided that they should have an end of the week meeting, where they would talk about the students and compare notes. Dumbledore apparently couldn't think of an excuse fast enough, so here they were, multiple professors stuffed into Albus's office listening as the bitch went on and on about the kids.

"I don't think that's quite fair Dolores," Septima Vector interjected.

Naruto quickly shook herself out of her daydreams, as she leaned in to ask Sevvy what was going on. With a whisper, he responded, "Apparently, Potter has detention tonight for speaking out in class."

Naruto bristled, "Oh Dolores? Why does Mr. Harry have to serve detention if all he did were speaking out? Is he not an adult? Or do you coddle your class to the point where you expect them to mindlessly raise their hand if they had a concern? Or, pray tell, are they not even allowed to _have_ concerns about your teaching methods?"

Umbridge lost her characteristic fake smile for a moment, "I don't see how this is any of your concern, Uzumaki."

Naruto widened her eyes in faux innocence, "Well isn't that what this meetings for? In order to learn from one another and ask questions regarding teaching methods?"

Naruto was a ninja, she knew exactly what Umbridge was trying to do. Under the flag of 'professional unity', she wanted everybody to spill their teaching methods, all so that she could run back to her precious minister and inform him of the horrible job they were all doing under Dumbledore's supervision.

Umbridge shuffled nervously, "Well, yes of course that is why we are here. However you are too young to understand the importance of establishing authority in a class."

Snape snorted as Umbridge continued, "I had to use Mr. Potter as an example. He spoke out of turn, spreading _horrid_ rumors in the process. That behavior is not to be tolerated at Hogwarts!"

"May you Rest In Peace Albus," Naruto spoke solemnly.

"What are you talking about, my dear?" Dumbledore questioned with an amused smile.

"For certainly, you had to be dead for Umbridge to promote herself to Head Mistress. Unless this is just another case of her stepping over the line again, presuming to know what is better for a school that before this week she hadn't stepped a foot in, in over several decades?" Naruto explained.

Dolores grew red in anger, clashing horribly with her clothing, "Why you little-"

"Ok lady, first off I'm a whole two feet taller than you, so back down. Secondly, it was both unfair and cruel to give Mr. Harry detention on the first day of class without a warning. I am certain it goes against several rules, as well as basic human ethics." Naruto ranted.

"I warned Mr. Potter plenty, yet he did not heed any of it. So he _will_ serve detention. And I am quite certain that you yourself have given detention to two students on their very first day as well."

Naruto crossed her arms, "I gave detention for attempted vandalism of Hogwarts property, which is a much larger offense than speaking out of turn. Punishment should fit the crime, no?"

"While your own classroom rules may be barbaric, mine are quite strict, made to enforce the maximum amount of learning. Therefore, in my class, speaking out of turn is quite the large offense."

Naruto rolled her eyes, "You're being ridiculous. Let the kid go with a warning, it was only the first day. He did not know that the consequences of such an action were this harsh, for surely you're the only person insane enough to actually give a kid detention on the first day for speaking."

"I see this is going nowhere," Dumbledore interrupted the two angry women, "So I will offer a solution. Harry Potter will in fact serve his detention, however he will serve it with Professor Uzumaki instead. That way both ladies will be appeased."

Umbridge still looked like she had a lot so say, but Naruto spoke quickly with a grin, "Well I would hate to waste the time of my fellow educators by arguing this further, so I will graciously accept your terms."

Dolores grit her teeth as she too, agreed.

* * *

Harry tentatively entered the office, located so deep in the dungeons, it was a mere minute walk from where he knew the Slytherin common room to be.

"Ah, Harry, you can take a seat next to the twins," Naruto called out, not taking her eyes off of a bright orange colored book written in some foreign language.

Harry was unsurprised to see the Weasley Twins already situated in front of her desk, their backs hunched as they continued to scan the large binder in front of them. The two steadily ignored the fifth year, as they were much too busy reading to even notice his arrival.

Taking a seat next to who he thought was George, he asked, "Um, Professor. No offense, but why am I serving detention with you and not Umbridge?"

While he hated the toad woman, and was grateful to not have to spend detention with her, he was not excited to serve as testing dummies for the twins products. Naruto grimaced, "The Toad Witch and I got into an argument. This was Dumbledore's creative solution. Anyways, for your detention, you have to help me shop. It's my friend Ino's birthday, and I refuse to do the shopping myself."

Naruto said this while handing the confused wizard a stack of shopping catalogues. "I'm going to help you shop?" He asked incredulously.

"Isn't that what I just said?" Naruto sighed, "I'll only make kids act as the Weasley's test subjects if they don't give me all their effort during class. As the only offense you made was 'speaking out of turn', all you have to do is help me find something a vain 21 year old would like as a birthday gift. Now get to it."

Turning his attention to the multiple catalogues, he shifted through them cautiously. Professor Uzumaki was a weird one, but she was also a whole lot better than Umbridge. There was still something off about her though…


	7. A New Technique

Ron and Hermione stared at their friend incredulously as he recounted his detention.

"Wait wait wait, let me get this straight. You show up for your detention with Umbridge, only to be turned around and made to serve it with Professor Uzumaki? Where she proceeds to make you shop for a present for her friend?" Ron questioned dubiously.

Harry nodded, "Trust me, I know how insane it sounds. But Professor Uzumaki seems to be pretty lazy, and it seemed as though she had zero interest in doing the shopping herself."

Ron shrugged, "Whatever, it may be weird, but it's definitely better than whatever Umbridge had in mind for you."

Harry shuddered at the thought, "You're not wrong. Still, it was quite odd."

Hermione chewed on her lip, "Perhaps there was an ulterior motive to you shopping? Didn't she stress _see underneath the underneath?_ "

"I don't know Hermione," Harry confessed, "I honestly think she just made me do it because she could."

"But that's an abuse of power!" Hermione shrieked, "It's not fair for you to be forced to do her personal work."

"There _is_ something off about her," Ron admitted.

"And we're going to find out what it is," Harry confirmed with a determined nod.

* * *

Naruto whistled jovially as she skipped down the expansive hallway. Things were finally starting to go her way; her wedding preparations were going well, she saved a young student from being tortured by the evil pink bitch, and she had a wonderful best friend to help her with coursework. Yes it seemed as though Naruto Uzumaki's life was going perfectly.

With a graceful sidestep, she narrowly missed being doused in orange paint.

"Another day of detention boys!" She called out to the hiding twins as she continued her skipping.

"I give up," George said, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

"No Georgie! We can't give up! We will get her, this I swear," Fred declared as they watched the lithe silhouette of their professor disappear around the corner.

George nodded, "You're right dear brother. We _will_ win this war of wills."

"Speaking of which, I have an idea for our next prank."

"Ah the one with-?"

"No no, that won't work, it's the one-"

"Oh that's a good one. But how will we bypass the-?"

"Easily dear brother. We just need-"

"But that won't be available until next season."

"Then we can supplement it."

"But where would we find flamingoes?"

"The same place where we bought the ostrich."

"We almost died trying to buy that one."

"Oh you worry too much."

"And you don't worry enough. But I digress. We also need to purchase two buckets of-"

"Blue paint, don't worry, I already sent in the order."

"But what about the-?"

"The lemons are already ripe and ready. We just need-"

"I can smuggle in a penguin as early as tomorrow."

"Perfect."

* * *

Harry was cornered. With a gulp and a small prayer to whatever deity would listen, he smiled tentatively up at Angelina, "Hey Captain, how do you do?"

"You missed tryouts," Angelina cut straight to the chase, glaring at her young seeker.

Harry winced, "It's not my fault, I got detention with Umbridge."

"On the first week of school?" She seethed, crossing her arms in anger.

Harry shuffled in annoyance, "It was for 'speaking out'."

"You're as bad as the twins," Angelina sighed, "Well don't worry, your position is safe. But we had to find a new Keeper."

"Did you choose anyone yet?" Harry asked excitedly. Ron had been secretly practicing for the last few days, he hoped he made the team.

"Not yet," Angelina admitted, "I'll be posting the team positions later this week. Our first practice is this Friday. Try to be there this time."

"Umm, about that," Harry tentatively began, "I still have to serve detention this Friday. But hopefully the twins can convince Uzumaki to let us go early."

"I thought your detention was with Umbridge?"

Harry sighed, "It's a long story. One even I don't completely understand."

* * *

The following Monday morning found Naruto happily slurping her ramen as she chuckled evilly under her breath. Snape shot his friend a weary look, something he found himself doing quite often as of late, "You know, when you chuckle to yourself like that, you look like some evil villain planning mass destruction."

Naruto halted her laughing, shooting her friend a glare, "I'm just thinking about what I have in store for the first _official_ defense class."

Snape winced, "I never thought I would feel bad for these students."

Naruto scoffed, "Oh please Sevvy, I'm not _that_ bad."

Snape just rolled his eyes. McGonagall, who sat in front of the blond, interrupted, "Ms. Uzumaki, I have been hearing some peculiar rumors as of late."

"Such as?" Naruto questioned as she continued to obnoxiously slurp her ramen.

"That the Weasley Twins have somehow managed to score a detention with you every night for the next two months." Minerva said, a brow raised.

"Oh yeah that's true," Naruto admitted with a shrug, "They realized they couldn't prank me successfully, so they've been trying multiple times throughout the day to no avail."

"And they haven't learned their lesson?"

"More like they see it as a challenge. Their determination is an admirable trait."

"And you don't mind dodging pranks several times a day?" McGonagall asked incredulously.

"Not at all! It's quite fun actually!" Naruto grinned.

The Professors within ear shot all sweat-dropped. Naruto Uzumaki was definitely an odd one.

* * *

Adrian Pucey was tense. There weren't many things in the world that could cause him to be nervous, but his mercurial Professor seemed to be an exception. Dressed in muggle workout clothes, a first for him, he leaned on the palms of his hands as he waited for his gorgeous instructor to show up.

His fellow Slytherins all seemed to be equally as distressed, yet they hid it with ease. It was obvious, to him at least, that they all seemed to be quite uncomfortable dressed in muggle joggers and trainers. Yet they didn't dare to go against Professor Uzumaki's instructions: they quite liked living, and weren't ready to risk the wrath of the dangerous woman just yet.

Even many of the Gryffindors seemed uncomfortable, the pure bloods of the group not accustomed to wearing such clothing, and the muggleborn not at ease with wearing such outfits in Hogwarts. In fact, the only ones who seemed completely fine were the Weasley Twins. Adrian fought down a snort, how typical of them.

Fred and George were in the midst of planning yet another prank when Professor Uzumaki strolled into the room with a cup of ramen in her hands. Throwing a quick gaze around the room, she was happy to see that all her students followed her instructions and wore appropriate clothing.

"Perfect," Naruto grinned, "I want you all to get into small groups of at least three people, but no more than five. I don't care who you choose, just do it quickly."

Once everyone had a group, she placed her ramen down and walked towards the center of the classroom. "Today we are going to learn one of the most useful skills one could learn in self defense. We are going to learn how to properly run."

Silence reigned.

"What?" Katie asked, her previous excitement having dwindled down.

Naruto smirked, "What? Did you think that I would teach you some fancy kick on your first day?"

"Um, kinda yeah," George admitted.

"Well I'm sorry to disappoint. But all of you are lazy and uncoordinated. Even if I _were_ to teach you any fancy tricks, most of you wouldn't have the endurance to learn it, and the rest wouldn't have the flexibility. So until you're at a better physical state, I will be teaching you nothing of the sort. Now, follow me."

With that, Naruto walked out of the classroom, not waiting for her scrambling students to follow. She led her students outside, where several buckets were placed off to the side. "Now all of you will be running ten laps around the field in your groups. If you start lagging behind, well, you won't like the consequences," Naruto instructed with a sadistic grin.

Reaching into one of the buckets, Naruto pulled out a small, plump balloon. With impeccable aim, she threw it at a nearby tree. On impact, the tree was splattered with purple paint.

Smiling, Naruto continued, "So unless you want to be pelted with paint balloons, I suggest you start running."

That's all it took for the Seventh years to start sprinting as if their life depended on it. Naruto laughed as she pulled out a familiar orange book. If only Kakashi-sensei could see her now, he would be so proud.

* * *

It was a multicolored group of seventh years that entered the Great Hall for lunch that day. Silently they all took their seats, gulping down their food as if they have never had a proper meal before.

"What happened?!" Hermione asked her older peers as she watched them inhale their lunch.

Swallowing, Fred answered, "Professor Uzumaki happened."

A pink-covered George continued, "Apparently our running wasn't up to her standards."

"I have even more questions than before," Harry muttered as he watched his older classmates scarf down their meals.

Drinking an entire pitcher of water, Fred turned to them, "Professor Uzumaki may _slightly_ be sadistic, but she's great! At this rate, we'll have our best Quidditch run yet!"

"At this rate, we'll be too _tired_ to even _think_ about Quidditch," Angelina timed in with a groan.

George waved away her concerns, "Uzumaki is building up our endurance. Trust me, she knows what she's doing."

Ron stared unblinkingly at his brothers, "You all still didn't answer just why you're this tired and covered in paint."

Fred and George exchanged a grin, "You'll see."

* * *

"This has to be against some type of law," Professor Sprout spoke her concerns during lunch, keeping one eye on her multicolored students, the other on the mercurial Professor who caused the situation to begin with.

Naruto smiled, "It's not. I checked."

"You _checked?_ " Umbridge bristled, "Why, how barbaric your teaching method is! It's disgraceful for a Professor at Hogwarts to not only force the children to run, but throw paint at them if they were to slow down!"

Naruto rolled her eyes, "The kids need an incentive so they don't lag behind. Paint balloons don't hurt anyone, but it's enough of a punishment that the kids don't want to be on the receiving end of."

"And what if the paint went into their eyes? Or their mouths?" Umbridge taunted.

"As if you care if the students get hurt," Naruto muttered angrily, "My aim is impeccable. It will never hit the students in an area that would cause them pain."

"Oh so we're supposed to allow this to happen based on your faith in your aim?"

"Listen lady, my aim is perfect. It will never cause the children harm. But I don't have to explain this to you, because you're not my boss, and this is totally above board. Like I said, I checked the laws, and I'm well within my rights. You have a problem with it? Too bad."

* * *

As Millicent lagged behind three steps, a perfectly aimed balloon was thrown straight to her leg, coloring her previous white pants in an obnoxious shade of neon green.

"How in Merlins beard is she aiming those balloons while reading her book?" Pansy panted out, careful not to fall behind.

Draco shook his head, sweat dripping onto the floor, "I have no idea, and I'm not about to find out." With that, he ran ahead, leaving Pansy alone to be hit with a balloon and covered in yellow paint.

Further behind, Harry was struggling to keep with his group, "This has to be illegal."

"It's not," Hermione answered, straining to keep up, "I researched the bylaws, and unless we are caused physical harm, Professor Uzumaki is well within her rights."

"You're telling me she can continue to throw paint at us!" Ron exclaimed, yelping as he was hit with a purple balloon.

"Unfortunately yes. Professor Uzumaki is careful not to hit us in areas that would hurt us, so by law she's in the clear," Hermione explained.

"This is insane," Harry admitted.

"She's more mad than Snape!" Ron swore.

Blaise Zabini laughed as he passed the Golden Trio, "Professor Uzumaki is just doing what it takes to get us to actually run. And you're going to have to do better than that!"

"How on Earth does he not have a single drop of paint on him?" Harry asked incredulously, watching Zabini jog ahead with ease.

Neville answered as he too ran past them, "He's not wasting his breath by having pointless conversations!"

The trio exchanged a look, before running the rest in silence.

* * *

At the end of the class, the students were all sprawled along the floor, exhaustion clearly written across their features.

Naruto stood triumphantly in front of them, "Well class, what did we learn today?"

"Running is harder than it looks," Daphne answered.

"We have horrible endurance," Theo added.

"Both true and valid points, what else?" Naruto responded.

"Talking while running makes it harder to keep up," Hermione answered.

"Perfect! And why is this true?"

Neville spoke, "By talking, we are wasting our breath. We need to be breathing correctly in order to run for long periods of time."

Naruto grinned, "Good job Mr. Neville. That is exactly right! The first part of learning how to run properly, is learning how to breathe properly."

"That's why you put us in groups," Harry realized, "You wanted us to talk amongst ourselves, and realize that by doing so, we are compromising our breathing."

Uzumaki smiled, "What Mr. Harry observed is indeed correct. You have all probably noticed that the times in which you lagged behind and were consequently hit by paint, were also times in which you were talking. Breathing is very important to endurance, for it is what fuels your body with the oxygen it craves."

"Why couldn't you just tell us this, instead of torturing us with running?" Ron questioned with a whine.

"Several reasons Mr. Ron. First, you all need to work on your endurance and stamina, and the quickest way of doing so is cardio exercises such as running. Second, the increased stamina will help us with future lessons. Third, and most importantly, if I just told you the importance of breathing, you would have forgotten it within five minutes. By trial and error; realizing your mistakes yourselves and then working to fix it, you are ingraining the lesson into your memory."

"She may have peculiar methods," Draco spoke softly, "But she is a _very_ good instructor."

The Slytherins all nodded in agreement. Naruto Uzumaki may be odd, but she was smart. A lot smarter than most would suspect.

* * *

Sasuke scoffed as he was handed a free drink from the bartender. "Compliments of the young lady in the corner," The bartender said with a suggestive smile, gesturing to the beautiful brunette currently giggling with her friend as she sent a shy smile to the object of her affections.

"I'm engaged," He spoke stoically, returning the drink apathetically as he directed his attention back to the file in front of him. Naruto had been gone for two weeks now, and he was starting to truly miss her. He had gotten accustomed to her presence, both at home and at work, so her absence was a glaring hole in his daily routine.

Without his boisterous fiancé around, he found himself with quite an alarming amount of free time. He had never really noticed just how much of the day her antics took up, until they weren't there to entertain him. He shuddered as he realized just how much he had come to rely on and even enjoy Naruto's pranks.

It wasn't as though he didn't have any friends to spend time with. Well, actually his only friends included Shikamaru, who was quite literally drowning in work, and Neji who is on some type of long term mission. His friendship with Sakura had long fallen to the wayside, and he would rather poison himself than ever willingly subject himself to an evening with Sai.

Thus, with nothing to do, Sasuke turned to work. He just hoped time would go by quickly, he was looking forward to seeing his fiancé again.

* * *

Naruto leaned back into the seat, a smile creeping across her features as she was handed a cup of warm butterbeer. The room was surprisingly comfortable, she noticed, the furniture and decorations all in soft grays and greens. Most would never believe this to be the terrifying Severus Snape's living quarters, but Naruto had seen crazier things.

"How come your private quarters come with a living room, while mine barely came with enough space for a bed and dresser?" Naruto asked her friend as he took the seat in front of her.

Severus smirked, "I've been a Professor here for quite some time now. Additionally I'm also Head of Slytherin, that does come with some perks."

Naruto huffed, "Show off."

Snape chuckled lowly, "So what brings you here Naruto? Shouldn't you be administering one of your odd detentions during this time?"

Naruto leaned back into her seat as she took a sip, "Nah, I only have the Weasley Twins and Harry today, so I moved their detention to a later time. They seemed to appreciate it, something about Quidditch?"

Snape nodded, "It's Friday night, the Gryffindor Quidditch teams should be having their first practice today. Your three students happen to all be on the team. They're probably over the moon that you allowed them to attend."

The Uzumaki shrugged, "It's not like I did it out of benevolence. I just had to come speak with you."

"Oh? What of?"

Naruto grimaced as she passed her friend a scroll, "After all the stories you told me of Voldywart, I noticed a familiar pattern. I am the leading expert in Fuinjutsu, a branch of the shinobi arts which deals with sealing, and the case with Mr. Riddle's diary a few years previous reminded me of something an old enemy of mine used to do. Orochimaru was a genius, obsessed with the idea of living forever as an immortal, a seemingly common theme with villains. So I wrote to my fiancé back home, and asked him to send me my notes on this particular field."

Snape was quick to snatch the scroll, his eyes taking in every word feverishly, "Are you certain?" He asked gravely.

Naruto nodded, "I am. However this is the ninja way of doing so, do the wizards have something equivalent to this method?"

Severus frowned, "If we do, it would be extraordinarily dark magic. In fact, the only thing I can think of that would qualify is…"

"Is?"

Snape gulped, "A horocrux."

* * *

"What's that Weasley's riding?" Malfoy called in his sneering drawl. "Why would anyone put a flying charm on a moldy old log like that?"

It was the Gryffindor teams very first practice, and they were 'lucky' enough to be cheered on by the Slytherins, who sat in the stands commentating on every move. From the pitch, Harry could hear Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy Parkinson guffaw and shriek with laughter. Harry watched as Ron mounted his broom and took off, his face slowly turning red.

"Ignore them," Harry said, accelerating to catch up with Ron, "We'll see who's laughing after we play them . . ."

With a nod towards his friend, the Gryffindors gathered around their Captain to hear her commands, which were quickly drowned out by Pansy's shrieking, "Hey, Johnson, what's with that hairstyle, anyway? Why would anyone want to look like they've got worms coming out of their head?"

Angelina ignored the younger girl with grace as continued speaking calmly, Spread out, then, and let's see what we can do . . ."

Harry reversed away from the others to the far side of the pitch. Ron fell back towards the opposite goal. Angelina raised the Quaffle with one hand and threw it hard to Fred, who passed to George, who passed to Harry, who passed to Ron, who dropped it.

The Slytherins, led by Malfoy, roared and screamed with laughter. Ron, who had pelted towards the ground to catch the Quaffle before it landed, pulled out of the dive untidily, so that he slipped sideways on his broom, and returned to playing height, blushing. Harry saw Fred and George exchange looks, but uncharacteristically neither of them said anything, for which he was grateful.

"Pass it on, Ron," called Angelina, as though nothing had happened.

Ron threw the Quaffle to Alicia, who passed back to Harry, who passed to George . . .

"Hey, Potter, how's your scar feeling?" called Malfoy. "Sure you don't need a lie down? It must be, what, a whole week since you were in the hospital wing, that's a record for you, isn't it?"

George passed to Angelina; she reverse-passed to Harry, who had not been expecting it, but caught it in the very tips of his fingers and passed it quickly to Ron, who lunged for it and missed by inches.

"Come on now, Ron," said Angelina crossly, as he dived for the ground again, chasing the Quaffle. "Pay attention."

It would have been hard to say whether Ron's face or the Quaffle was a deeper scarlet when he again returned to playing height. Malfoy and the rest of the Slytherin team were howling with laughter.

"Ron's making a right pig's ear of things, isn't he?" muttered George, watching as his younger brother continued to fumble.

"He's just nervous," assured Harry, "He was fine when I was practicing with him this morning."

"Yeah, well, I hope he hasn't peaked too soon," said Fred gloomily.

Practice continued in the same fashion for another few minutes, "Stop–stop– STOP!" screamed Angelina. "Ron–you're not covering your middle post!"

Ron, who was hovering in front of the left-hand hoop, leaving the other two completely unprotected, blushed crimson, "Oh . . . sorry . . ."

"Well, let's try again," said Angelina. She was ignoring the Slytherins, who had now set up a chant of "Gryffindor are losers, Gryffindor are losers," but there was a certain rigidity about her seat on the broom nevertheless.

Just as Angelina was sure to yell at at the green loving spectators, a loud voice cut through the chanting, "The Gryffindor's are what now?"

Silence reigned as every eye immediately shot towards the front of the pitch, where Professor Uzumaki was calmly standing.

"Pr-Professor!" Draco stammered as he rose from his seat, "I didn't notice you there!"

"Obviously," She drawled as she crossed her arms, "Ten points from House Slytherin for blatant taunting and bringing shame upon their House."

The Slytherin students collectively winced as Naruto continued, "Mr. Draco, you can serve detention with me tomorrow night for organizing this little parade."

Malfoy, for all his arrogance, did not dare to argue, "Yes Professor."

Naruto nodded, "I'm here to pick up the twins and Harry, it's time for your detention."

The three students silently rode down, hopping off their broomsticks, and following Naruto, who had already begun to walk away.

"Professor," Fred called as he jogged to catch up, "I thought you liked the Slytherins, why take off points from their house?"

"Mr. Fred, I like every house. I refuse to be biased towards a specific group of students, no matter who they are. While I find Mr. Draco to be a perfectly pleasant young man, he acted disgracefully today, so he will suffer the consequences. That goes for any student who acts out in my presence."

Fred nodded, "Sorry for asking Professor, I didn't mean to sound so accusatory."

Naruto frowned, "Never apologize for asking a question, even if said question paints me in a bad light. How else would a student learn, if they are afraid to ask?"

Harry chuckled maliciously, "Well according to Umbridge, as long as we read and understand theory, we will learn all that is necessary."

Naruto snorted, "Well, Umbridge is a horrible example. I can't _believe_ that the idiotic toad is in charge of teaching you all defense."

George smiled, "Honestly, I think all of us students were pretty concerned with not learning anything to defend ourselves, especially during these times. Thank Merlin you're here to at least teach us Physical Defense."

"I promise you, if you're willing, I'll do all that I can to make sure you're ready for whatever comes your way. I swear it."

* * *

The next day found a solemn Draco Malfoy entering the office of one of his favorite Professors. He respected Professor Uzumaki, far more tan any other teacher in this castle bar Snape. She had thus far treated his House quite fairly, a trait that is unseen with the other professors. She was cunning and intelligent, an embodiment of all the traits Slytherin holds dear and he hated to be the one to disappoint her. So with rigid posture and a determined gait, he showed up to his scheduled detention without a single complaint. He had arrived a few minutes early, and was happy to see that the Twins had yet to arrive to their infamous Daily Detention.

Approaching the young blond, who was leaning in her seat, her feet crossed on the table, he spoke, "Professor, I would like to apologize."

Naruto's eyebrows raised, "For?"

"For my behavior yesterday. I acted foolishly, and brought shame upon my great House." Draco spoke monotonously.

Naruto clicked her tongue, "So you realize that you acted in an uncouth manner, and you're sorry for that. But let me guess, you're not sorry for how you treat the Gryffindors in general?"

Draco's eyes widened, "I give as good as I get, the Gryffindor's are equally as unkind to us."

"Oh I'm sure," Naruto said, "But that doesn't give you leeway to act the way you have. Doesn't the Malfoy family pride themselves on their behavior?"

The young Slytherin winced, "We do."

Naruto sighed, "Look Draco, the rest of your house looks up to you. You set the example for the rest of your peers to follow, so you are held to a higher standard than the rest."

"I know," Draco sneered, "But that doesn't mean I'm going to be all buddy buddy with the lion-loving idiots."

"I'm not asking you to."

"Then what _are_ you asking of me?"

"I'm asking you to prove to the rest of the houses, that Slytherin isn't as bad as they believe."

Malfoy snorted, "Yeah right, that's never going to happen. Everyone is under the assumption that you are automatically categorized as evil if you are sorted into the house of snakes."

"Then prove them wrong."

"It's impossible."

"Is it?" Naruto asked with a smile, just as her favorite twins entered the room, "Perfect timing boys. Mr. Draco here will assist you today with the wedding planning, so please help get him up to speed."

Fred and George blinked. Draco blinked. Silence reigned. Professor Uzumaki wanted them to _what_?

With an annoyed sigh, Malfoy joined the Twins at their table, "What are we trying to decide?" He had already screwed up his relationship with the blond enough, he wasn't going to further risk her wrath by blatantly going against her wishes, no matter how much his skin crawled at the idea of cooperating with lions.

Fred was quick to snap out of his surprise. He supposed that Professor Uzumaki probably had her reasons. Sliding the binder over to the blond, he explained, "Well we already decided that the color theme would be burnt orange and gold. Now we are trying to find furniture in a shade that won't clash."

"I was thinking maple," George chimed.

With a sneer, Draco flipped a page, "Are you kidding me? That would clash horribly, you need a far more subtle shade to accent the burnt orange."

Naruto smiled as she watched her students work together. Yes, she decided, she was a genius.


	8. A New Rumor

Naruto snarled as she read the ridiculous headline plastered across the pages of the Daily Prophet. 'High Inquisitor'. Hah! Well this was an absolutely _ridiculous_ idea if she had ever heard one. She read the article calmly, taking in all the relevant information. Apparently Hogwarts standards were falling, and how _wonderful_ it was that the 'well-received' Umbridge can now inspect all of her fellow instructors to make sure they are up to par.

Severus's usual frown was even more pronounced than usual as he read the article over her shoulder at the breakfast table, "Well this changes everything, I wasn't aware they would announce it so soon."

The professors have already been informed of this Educational Decree the previous day, Headmaster Dumbledore having called a staff meeting so they could discuss this turn of events. The pink-bitch smiled infuriatingly the entire time, her twinkling eyes on Naruto as she basked in her triumph.

Naruto grimaced, "It changes nothing. Umbitch can try to do whatever she pleases, my own employee contract is so iron-clad, nothing short of me joining Voldy Warts and causing a Wizarding World War will give her grounds to fire me."

"Remind me to use your lawyer if I am ever in any sort of trouble," Severus remarked dryly. He had gone over her contract himself, and he was shocked at the sheer amount of coverage it legally allowed his younger friend. Naruto grinned at his comment, she was always glad to have a genius like Shikamaru on her side.

Throwing a glance to her student below, she sighed, "No one is going to like this. Umbridge is planning on taking over this castle from the inside out, I just hope none of the students end up in the crosshairs."

Snape shuffled awkwardly in his seat, "Well, perhaps not _all_ of the students will find this as a bad thing."

Naruto blinked, "What do you mean? Everyone hates Umbridge. No one is stupid enough to want her in power."

"Not stupid, no. Perhaps the correct word is… self-serving," He drawled quietly.

Naruto resisted the urge to slam her head on the table, "The Slytherins, _of course_. Why would they even _think_ to side with the witch?"

Snape shrugged, "The Slytherins are quite used to looking out for themselves, after all, no one else seems to care for them. It was even worse in my time, my own Head of House could barely stand the sight of us snakes."

Naruto hummed in understanding, "They want to carry favor with the person in power. They know the rest of the castle despises them, they see this as an opportunity to side with someone in a position of strength. It only helps their cause that said person happens to be a fellow snake."

Snape nodded, "From my understanding, young Draco is taking the lead on this expedition. I believe he plans on forming some type of group under Umbridge so that he can place the entirety of Slytherin under her protection."

"He must have been planning this for a while then," Naruto remarked, "For him to already have a solid plan and execution. How did he find out?"

Snape gestured to the newspaper as he explained, "As you read in the article, his father gave a statement about how glad he is that the Ministry can now curb any of Albus's more 'eccentric' tendencies. Knowing Lucius as well as I do, he probably sent word about this to Draco some time ago, allowing the boy to take advantage of a situation he knew was coming."

"Do you think Draco has told the rest of the students?"

Snape snorted, "I doubt it. While Draco seems like a brash young boy, he knows how to keep the important cards close to his chest. He has most likely been planning this behind his classmates backs, only to tell them of his plan this Friday night."

"Friday night? And what is the significance of Friday night?"

"I've said it before, but the Slytherin House is probably the most complex in Hogwarts. There is a ridiculous amount of bylaws and politics that goes on behind closed doors. One night a month, the days alternating each month, the House gets together in the common room to discuss important findings. The next meeting is held this Friday night."

Naruto mused a bit. She supposed it made sense, Slytherin prided itself on cunning, manipulation and intellect, especially in the political field. It would make sense that they would use these factors even in their own House. Draco Malfoy was smart to use this information to his advantage, and Naruto, while hating Umbridge, had to give him credit for this. All shinobi appreciated cunning and strategies, and if Naruto had to be honest to herself, Slytherin was probably the only house that could survive in Konoha. Still, despite Malfoy's clever plans, Naruto wanted Umbridge gone. The Slytherins helping her would only disrupt her plans.

"Sevvy, I think I have a plan," Naruto spoke slowly.

* * *

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? WE NEED A WIN POTTER! AND WE CAN'T DO THAT IF YOU ARE CONSTANTLY GETTING YOURSELF DETENTION!" Angelina screeched during breakfast the very following day. She had cornered Harry as soon as he came down for food, having heard of his newly acquired detentions earlier that day.

Harry tried to interject, tried to explain that Umbridge gave him the detentions for absolutely no reason, but Angelina did not let him get a word in edgewise. She shouted so loudly that Professor McGonagall came sweeping down upon the pair of them from the staff table.

"Miss Johnson, how dare you make such a racket in the Great Hall! Five points from Gryffindor!"

"But Professor," Angelina stammered, "He's gone and landed himself in detention again–"

"What's this, Potter?" said Professor McGonagall sharply, rounding on Harry. "Detention? From whom?"

"From Professor Umbridge," muttered Harry, not meeting Professor McGonagall's beady, square-framed eyes.

"Are you telling me," she said, lowering her voice so that the group of curious Ravenclaws behind them could not hear, "that after the warning I gave you last Monday you lost your temper in Professor Umbridge's class again?"

"Yes," Harry muttered, speaking to the floor.

"Potter, you must get a grip on yourself! You are heading for serious trouble! Another five points from Gryffindor!"

"But–what–? Professor, no!" Harry said, furious at this injustice, "I'm already being punished by her, why do you have to take points as well?"

"Because detentions do not appear to have any effect on you whatsoever!" said Professor McGonagall tartly. "No, not another word of complaint, Potter! And as for you, Miss Johnson, you will confine your shouting matches to the Quidditch pitch in future or risk losing the team captaincy!"

Before Professor McGonagall could march up back to her table, a stern-faced Naruto broke the silence as she waltzed up to the commotion, "Why Minerva, I don't think that's quite fair."

McGonagall narrowed her eyes, "And _what_ do you find to be unfair?"

"Mr. Potter has already had house points taken from him for his behavior, and is once more subjected to another week of detentions. Perhaps you are being unfair to the boy," Naruto calmly stated.

Harry watched with wide eyes as Professor Uzumaki, of all people, came to his defense. The only person who would be weirder would be Snape, but the Potions professor might hang himself before it comes to that.

McGonagall frowned, "I don't believe this is any of your concern, Professor Uzumaki. Mr. Potter is my student, and I will punish him as I see fit."

Naruto crossed her arms, "He might be in your house, Professor, but please make no mistake. Mr. Potter is _just_ as much my student as he is yours."

"While that may be true, it doesn't change the fact that Mr. Potter went against my direct orders by once more receiving detention."

"So you decided to punish getting punished with more punishments? You understand how ridiculous that sounds, right? Plus," At this Naruto lowered her voice, "We both know Umbridge is willing to assign detentions for no reason at all."

"Then what would you have me do?" McGonagall sighed. In all honesty, the older woman was pleasantly surprised at the younger blond. Many of her students complained that Naruto seemed willing to side with Slytherins, yet perhaps Professor Uzumaki truly did care for _all_ her students.

Naruto grinned. Checkmate. "You said it yourself, Mr. Potter is your student so you are allowed to monitor his punishment. Let him serve his detention with me."

Minerva raised a brow, "And why should I do that? He already served detention with you before, yet it did little to curve his behavior."

"Something tells me nothing will be able to hold his tongue against Umbridge, and it's not a bad quality to have. More people should stand up against the pink bitch," Naruto shrugged, "But I digress. To be completely honest, I don't trust Professor Umbridge with Mr. Potter, and I'm sure if you were to ask him, he too would be weary about spending an entire afternoon in her sole company. At least with me he can count on the Weasley Twins and Mr. Malfoy being there. Allow him to decide which company he would prefer."

Both pairs of eyes turned to a still slack-jawed Harry. Picking his jaw off the floor, he stammered, "I-I-I would prefer Professor Uzumaki."

Minerva's eyes narrowed, "Very well then Mr. Potter. You will serve your detention promptly at 7 tonight with Professor Uzumaki."

With that, the woman turned away and marched back up to the teachers table. Grinning at her student, Naruto spoke, "Well that was fun."

Harry turned to her in surprise, visibly nervous, "I- um yeah. Thank you. For… For doing that. I don't know what I'd do if I were forced to spend more time than necessary with Umbridge."

Naruto waved his concerns away, "Please, even I don't want to spend any more time with the heinous woman. Don't worry about it, and don't be late to detention tonight."

Harry smiled at her, but before he could take his seat, she called out, "Oh, and Mr. Potter? 5 points to Gryffindor for being so polite."

The entirety of the Gryffindor table looked upon their gorgeous blond teacher in surprise as she skipped up to the table while calling out, "Hey Minerva! Can I be the one to tell the toad about the change of detention?"

* * *

As Harry walked into Professor Uzumaki's office for detention, he grimaced as he noticed the white-blond hair of his greatest enemy. Objectively, he knew that Malfoy was still serving his detention for the taunting that happened on Friday, but it didn't mean he was happy to see him.

"Ah, Mr. Potter," Naruto closed her orange covered book with a slam, "Please take your usual seat."

Harry plopped down on the seat in front of Uzumaki, not even glancing at the frowning Slytherin. Naruto didn't seem to notice as she handed the boy who lived a pile of letters, "I need someone to respond to these letters, I don't feel like doing it myself."

Harry blinked. He's been forced to do some pretty weird things in detention over the last week, but this one won, "You want me to respond to your mail?"

Naruto nodded, taking her seat and opening her book, "They're not really personal. It's just a bunch of marriage proposals that I have to turn down. Just thank them for their interest, but let them know that I am currently engaged and am not looking to change that."

"Marriage proposals!? There's like at least 20 in here!" Harry cried.

The blond hummed, "Seems like it's going down this week. That's good to hear, perhaps they finally got it through their thick skulls that I'm not interested."

"Why respond at all? If you're not interested?" Harry asked tentatively, his eyes in disbelief as he scanned the letters.

Ignoring a scoff from Draco, Naruto answered, "Because you never know with people. I don't want to risk them thinking my silence is confirmation, and I _definitely_ don't want to risk offending anyone of importance by being rude. The easiest way to deal with them is by sending a letter stating that I'm already betrothed."

Harry gulped, Professor Uzumaki got weirder by the minute. Scanning another letter, his eyes widened, "Th-this ones from a Prince!"

That even got Draco's attention, yet Naruto just shrugged, "Don't care, I'm engaged."

Draco whistled lowly, "Man I would love to meet this fiancé of yours someday."

Harry glared at the boy, never pleased to be reminded of his presence, "Don't _you_ have something to do?"

Before Draco could viciously retort, Naruto answered, "Mr. Malfoy has another task, one he is already aware of. Please ignore him, and complete your own work."

Harry nodded, not willing to risk the wrath of the woman. Soon enough, the doors burst open and the twins fell through, gasping for breath.

"S-sorry Professor. P-p-prank pulled on Umbridge. It was awesome," Fred panted out, a large grin stretched across his face.

George continued, "Her office is now home to pixies. I hope she doesn't mind."

Naruto grinned, "Well boys, I _was_ going to punish you more for being late to detention, but perhaps I can let this one slide. Just get started on your work."

The twins nodded as they took seats opposite sides of Draco, "Alright Malfoy, now we have to discuss flowers. I don't think we should go for any colored ones, burnt orange is already too bold of a color, we can't afford anything clashing."

Draco mumbled as he flipped through the binder George brought out, "No no, I think it's safe to add a touch of color. White roses and greenery, while beautiful and classy, might be too simple for this function. We went for the minimalist look with furniture, we can afford to be a little eclectic with the centerpieces."

Fred nodded, "Now that's for the reception. But what about for the actual ceremony? I think white roses would be perfect for someone like Professor Uzumaki."

Draco nodded, "For sure. Alright then, hand me a quill." Drawing out a diagram, the boy continued, "So for the actually ceremony, we can places poles going all the way up to the front. Large vases will be placed here here and here, filled with flowers."

George interjected, "We can also lace the poles with flowers."

"We would need to have ribbon first to tie the flowers down," Fred mentioned.

"We already decided on golden poles, let's make sure the ribbon is in the same shade, as we don't want it to stand out," Draco commanded as the twins took notes.

Harry, this entire time, could only stare at the scene in shock. Draco Malfoy, Slytherin bad boy and classic villain extraordinaire, was helping the Weasley twins? And they were actually listening? And getting along?!

* * *

Detention flew by for Draco Malfoy, who for some reason found the Gryffindor Twins presence much more bearable these days, at least when they were planning the wedding. He had to hand it to them, they were actually quite intelligent, having an eye for aesthetics and keen minds for planning. He was… actually _enjoying_ his time with them, as insane as that sounds.

"Mr. Malfoy, can you stay behind?"

Draco's eyes widened as he lagged behind the Gryffindors. Harry was the first out of the door, seeming in a rush to get out of this insane detention as fast as humanly possible. Fred and George were much slower, as they were still bickering over the relevance of daisies in a bouquet. "Good luck," Fred whispered to him in a wince as he passed by.

Soon enough, they were all alone. Naruto snapped her book shut as she sat up properly in her chair, looking her student directly in the eye, "I have heard some concerning rumors as of late."

Draco raised a brow, "There are always rumors floating around Hogwarts, I'm afraid you're going to be more specific, Professor."

"Rumors that you plan to unite the entirety of Slytherin under Umbridge," Naruto cut right to the chase.

Draco stammered, "Wh-how- who told you?"

"Does it matter?" Naruto asked, "The point is, you cannot give Umbridge more power than she already wields. She doesn't want the best for you all, surely you see that?"

Draco grumbled, "Oh we see it alright. But this is how it is; no one in this castle likes us. Umbridge is gaining power already, soon enough she will even dethrone Dumbledore. And we intend to be on her good side when she does."

Naruto nodded, "You're smart Draco. Really smart. But tell me this, what would happen if the whole school went against her? She might wield metaphorical power, but all of that is on paper. What happens when none of us give in to her ridiculous power grabbing hands?"

Draco's eyes widened, "Surely you don't mean-"

Naruto nodded, "I do. I'm not going to lie to you Draco, it's risky. But Umbridge is a hazard. She's not teaching you anything. And you all _need_ a teacher. Do you trust me?"

Draco nodded, "You know I do."

"Then scrap any plans you made, and listen to what I have to say."

* * *

"You're insane," Harry deadpanned.

Hermione frowned, "Maybe so. But we're desperate here. Voldemort is back, and we need to be ready. Clearly Umbridge isn't teaching us anything, so it's time to take it into our own hands."

"But me? I'm not a teacher," Harry persisted, "I have no clue where to even begin!"

"You'll be a much better teacher than Umbridge," Ron admitted, "And at this point, that's better than nothing."

"What about Lupin? He could come and teach us!"

"No, no, not Lupin," said Hermione. "He's too busy with the Order and, anyway, the most we could see him is during Hogsmeade weekends and that's not nearly often enough."

"What about our other professors?" Harry asked.

"We can't ask them to do that. They're colleagues with Umbridge, and if they get caught they'll be in severe trouble. No one would ever risk getting fired for this," Hermione reasoned.

Suddenly, Harry realized, "Professor Uzumaki."

"What?" Ron asked.

"Professor Uzumaki! She's also a defense teacher, she might be great help to us! Or at least help guide and organize us. Plus she hates Umbridge more than anyone, I bet she'd do it just to spite her," Harry spoke quickly.

Hermione grimaced, "I don't know Harry… I don't exactly trust her."

"Me neither," Ron admitted, "There's a lot she's hiding from us. And I _still_ don't trust how close she is to Snape."

Harry shook his head, "Look, I know all this. I don't trust her either, but we don't really have a choice."

"How do we even know if she's strong?" Hermione questioned, "All she's had us do thus far is run laps. In fact, the only physical exertion she ever does is throw balloons at us!"

"Mate, I see why you want a professor with us, but Uzumaki isn't the right choice. She probably has never even _been_ in a real fight," Ron said.

Harry sighed, "I suppose you're right."

* * *

The next morning at breakfast was oddly peaceful. Most of the student body chattered pleasantly amongst themselves, and even the teachers seemed to be in a good mood.

And then the doors to the Great Hall slammed open.

Strolling through was perhaps the most attractive man any woman had ever seen. Pale skin, onyx eyes, cheekbones so high it could cut glass. He wore a tight black tank top, his biceps flexing with each slow step.

"Wow," Hermione unconsciously whispered. Many of the girls shared the same fate, their eyes never darting from the perfect form of this mysterious man.

Naruto looked up from her ramen as she realized that it was _way_ too quiet. Looking up, her eyes widened in shock.

"Teme?"

Sasuke smirked, "Surprise, Dobe."


	9. A New Revelation

_**A/N: So I never write Authors Notes… but Wow. Just wow. The response from the last chapter absolutely blew my mind. I guess I just want to say thanks to everyone who reviewed or sent me a private message. I've been out of the country for the last few months, and my internet was meh, and I swear I'm not ignoring my PM's.**_

 _ **Also, what Naruto story of mine should I update next?**_

 _ **Anywho, thanks to everyone who reviewed!**_

* * *

" _Teme?"_

 _Sasuke smirked, "Surprise, Dobe."_

Naruto swallowed her mouthful of ramen before trudging down towards her smirking fiancé, "What in Kami's name are you doing here?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Over three weeks without seeing me and _this_ is the greeting I get?"

Naruto crossed her arms, her eye ticking in annoyance, "Oh what? Did you expect me to squeal jovially as I leaped into your waiting arms?"

The Uchiha scoffed, "I'm not delusional-"

"Could have fooled me," Naruto quietly muttered, interrupting him.

"But I at the very least expected _some_ enthusiasm," Sasuke finished with a glare.

Naruto stifled a giggle. "Oh my deepest apologies Sasuke-kun!" She cried sarcastically, "How I have missed you! Thank Kami above you are here, I'm afraid my heart couldn't handle a single second more of us being apart!"

The onyx-eyed bastard had the audacity to smile, " _See_? Now was that so hard?"

Uzumaki rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, "You are such a Teme."

"Coming from a Dobe, it means very little," Sasuke sassed, his usually apathetic onyx eyes twinkling with something akin to love.

Further conversation was interrupted by Snape, who had swept down from the staff table, his robe billowing majestically behind him, "Well, as _amusing_ as this has been, perhaps you would like to continue your _riveting_ conversation in the privacy of your own chambers?"

Sasuke scowled, distaste crawling onto his features, "And you are?"

Severus frowned, before Naruto interrupted him happily, "Oh! Teme this is my new bestie, Sevvy! He's so awesome! Sevvy, this is Sasuke Uchiha!"

Snape huffed, his voice dropping so that the curious students behind him couldn't overhear, "Ah yes, the mass murderer."

Sasuke grunted, "This coming from a Death Eater?"

" _Reformed_ Death Eater, as I am sure your kind fiancé has mentioned."

Sasuke scoffed, "My _kind_ fiancé, as you so happen to call her, was never one to hold a grudge. Just because she doesn't have the self preservation to stay far away from you, doesn't mean that I trust you."

"Oh _no,_ how could I possibly survive without the validation of a traitor?" Snape drawled sarcastically.

Naruto rolled her eyes, "Oh no! Don't you two start with me! You're both misunderstood bastards, you guys are _much_ too alike to not get along."

"He started it," Sasuke muttered petulantly, his arms crossed with a huff.

Snape shot his patented glare at the young ninja, before continuing with a sarcastic drawl, "I see young Naruto had decided that to _lower_ her usual standards, at least when it comes to the matter of future spouses."

"What can I say, Naruto has never met a monster that she couldn't love."

Snape stared at the younger man, taking in his confidant stance and infuriating smirk. With a growing smile, Snape spoke, "Oh I like you."

"Excuse me?" Sasuke questioned, confused at the elder mans quick mood swing.

Naruto ran a hand down her face, "Honestly Sevvy, did you _have_ to test him?"

"Well of course I did," Severus stated seriously.

Sasuke quirked a brow, "You were testing me? By trying to piss me off?"

"Well of course," Severus stated as if it were the most sane response in the world, "Naruto can't marry a pushover, she'd trample them after all. She also couldn't deal with someone with anger issues, she has more than enough of that. She needs a husband that would be calm and rational in the face of adversity. I was just looking out for my friends best interest."

"Wait did you just say that I have anger issues?"

Sasuke's smirk grew, completely ignoring his fiancé, his arm outstretched, "You would make a wonderful shinobi, Severus."

Snape shook the mans hand, "And you would make quite the Slytherin, Sasuke."

"Seriously, did you two just agree that I have anger issues?"

A deep sigh was heard behind them. Naruto, easily recognizing the familiar sound, quickly turned to see the apathetic countenance of Shikamaru Nara as he strolled lazily towards them, "I almost forgot how ridiculously troublesome the two of you are together. Can we please take this conversation somewhere private so that we can stop wasting time? Temari will murder me if I'm not home by tomorrow."

"Shika? You're here too?" Naruto questioned adorably, her head tilted to the side in confusion.

Shikamaru sighed audibly, his head tilted towards the ceiling almost as if in prayer, " _Obviously._ I _had_ to come to get you to sign a few forms, Sasuke is just here because trying to tell him 'no' just sounded troublesome."

Albus chuckled from his seat at the high table, "Let us continue this conversation in my office. Please, follow me."

* * *

Dumbledore smiled cheerfully as he watched Naruto and her fiancé bicker. The other ninja, Shikamaru if he remembered correctly, was leaning back into his seat lazily, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as if trying to alleviate a headache. Snape stood in the back, his arms crossed and a scowl placed on his face. Minerva stood beside her coworker, staring unabashedly at the odd interactions of the happy couple.

"I don't have anger issues, you two-faced, snake loving, duck headed Teme!"

"Ah yes," Sasuke drawled quietly, "Because you screaming that at me points directly towards your calm and rational personality."

"I _would_ be calm and rational if you weren't such a pig brained moron!"

"This coming from the dead last?"

"Bastard!"

"Idiot."

"Emo try hard!"

"Moron."

"Pale faced douche bag!"

"Dumb ass."

"Well," Dumbledore began, effectively silencing the ninjas, "When Mr. Nara owled me, asking for both a portkey to Hogwarts as well as permission to enter the castle, I couldn't help but notice he left out the reasons for such a request."

Shikamaru grunted as he answered, "My apologies for the lack on information provided, but as I'm sure you can gather, there is a plethora of sensitive information that would not do us well to send by owl, lest it somehow be intercepted."

"Then what are you two doing here?" Naruto questioned.

"Originally I was not planning on visiting until a few months from now. According to Shinobi law in Konoha, a ninja needs to be field tested by a viable fighting simulation every six months. Usually, a formal test is unneeded due to the amount of missions each respective ninja takes. That allows the council to know that the shinobi are still physically fit enough for battle. However, in the case of long-term missions such as this one, where battle is not expected, a shinobi of the aforementioned ninja's level or higher must be dispatched in order to test them in physical combat. A ninja of a higher rank must also be there to proctor the examination," Shikamaru explained.

"But it hasn't been six months yet. And at this rate, you need to come again six months later to test me again anyways, why didn't you just wait until a later date?" Naruto asked.

"Like I said, originally I wasn't planning on coming until a few months from now. Until _somebody_ decided to leave me with a mountain of unsigned paperwork," Shikamaru grumbled, "Honestly Naruto, you couldn't plan ahead at all? What had you been doing for the last few months?"

"Oh no. No no no, you do not get to blame this on me. It was all Baa-chans fault that I wasn't able to finish my paperwork! She sprung the mission on me last minute!"

Before the overworked jonin could murder the blond, Minerva interrupted, "My apologies Mr. Nara, however couldn't you have owled Naruto the paperwork? It seems like quite a lot of work to come all the way here."

"Trust me, nobody wants to be here less than I. However, Naruto is the Hokage Apparent and thus has a lot of time sensitive forms to fill out, and there was no way I could send such sensitive information by owl. Plus, as Jonin Commander and future Hokage Assistant, I need to be here in person to talk Naruto through a few of these forms. It's quite extensive, and sensitive to our village, so if you wouldn't mind I would like to get started as quickly as possible."

Now that was a dismissal if they've ever heard one. Snape drawled, "This is the lawyer, I presume?"

Naruto laughed, "Yeah, a lazy bastard he may be, but damn if he isn't the smartest guy in the world."

Albus chuckled, "Then I shall leave you to your own devices. Naruto, do you require a substitute for your classes today?"

Naruto groaned, having just come to the realization that she will be spending the rest of the day filing paperwork, "Sevvy and I have alternate schedules today, he can cover my classes."

Seeing Snape's nod in affirmation, Albus grinned, "Well then! I'm glad that's settled! I will be able to portkey the two of you home after dinner."

"Tomorrow at dinner, at the earliest," Shikamaru spoke, "I did say the forms were a bit extensive."

Albus nodded, "Tomorrow it is."

* * *

Harry watched in abject horror as Snape billowed into the expansive room. "Today," the professor drawled, "I will be your substitute for Physical Defense."

Malfoy raised his hand, waiting until he was called upon before questioning, "Where is Professor Uzumaki?"

Snape resisted the urge to role his eyes, "As you could tell from the spectacle in the Great Hall this morning, Professor Uzumaki has some pressing tasks to complete today."

"Wait, so she knows those two sketchy guys?" Ron asked.

Snape quickly turned to the red-head, "Five points from Gryffindor Weasley, I thought you knew better than to call out."

"Uzumaki lets us call out answers! She says raising hands is for children!" Dean called out, defending his dormmate.

Snape quirked a brow, "And do you see Uzumaki here? No? Then we conduct class the way I choose. That would be another five points from Gryffindor."

Harry seethed, raising his hand. "Yes, our local celebrity?" Snape called on him.

"Who were those guys this morning?" Potter questioned, his curiosity bubbling.

"Oh how _typical_ of you Mr. Potter. _Demanding_ answers about your professors personal life when it is none of your business," Snape drawled cruelly.

Nott raised his hand, "Are these men personal friends of Professor Uzumaki's, or are they in Hogwarts on a professional matter?"

Snape rolled his eyes, "The gentlemen are in fact, friends of Professor Uzumaki."

"Damn," Lavender muttered, "Professor Uzumaki is so freaking lucky."

Parvati and surprisingly Hermione both nodded in agreement, before Snape continued, "As for the reason of their appearance, it is of a professional matter, as they are coworkers of Naruto's."

Blaise raised his hand, "They're coworkers? Does Professor Uzumaki have another job?"  
Snape nodded, "Surely you didn't think Naruto's goal in life was to teach?"

Zabini shook his head, "Well, no, but I wasn't aware she held another position of employment. What are they doing here then?"

Snape rolled his eyes, "Paperwork, not that it is any of your business. Now, if you are all done with these _inane_ questions, I believe you all have some running to do."

* * *

Ron panted heavily as he chugged an entire jug of water, "Snape is even more sadistic than Professor Uzumaki!"

Harry nodded in agreement as he stuffed his mouth with food, "Who in Godric's name taught the man a paintball charm?"

"I don't know," Dean muttered as he stabbed at his food, "But I'm going to hunt him down, and I'm going to kill him."

"Wow Dean that was a bit-"

"Dark, wouldn't you say?" The twins asked as they slid into their seats next to the angry fifth years.

"A dark sentiment I completely agree with," Ron grunted as he reached for a fourth helping of food.

"What happened?" Katie asked sympathetically, watching as the fifth years gulped down food at dangerously rapid rates.

"Professor Uzumaki had something to do today, so Snape substituted," Harry explained between bites of food, "It was hell."

"That bad?" Angelina questioned, wincing at the look of contempt shot at her from every fifth year within hearing distance.

"Worse."

"What was Professor Uzumaki doing?" Fred asked.

Hermione shrugged, "Those two men who appeared this morning at breakfast are apparently her coworkers. According to Professor Snape, they needed her to sign some paperwork."

"Coworkers?" George questioned.

"I wasn't aware she had another job." Fred continued.

Ron replied, "None of us did. Although I guess it makes sense, she's not exactly teacher material."

"It is odd though," Harry mused, "That they came all the way to Hogwarts for paperwork. You don't think Professor Uzumaki works for the ministry, do you?"

"What? No way," George scoffed.

"Umbridge would have definitely mentioned it by now if she did," Fred continued.

"I know you guys don't want to think about it, but what if she really is a… well a follower of, well you know," Harry spoke softly, his eyes darting around wildly making sure that nobody overheard.

"You're mad, Harry," Hermione scoffed, "There's just no way."

"Actually, I think Harry might have a point," Ron said, "Think about it. We know virtually nothing about her."

"Just because we don't know much about her, doesn't immediately make her a, you know what," Hermione hissed.

"You have to admit Hermione, all of this is a little suspicious," Harry said.

"Perhaps a bit…" She admitted softly.

"Then the least we could do is investigate? We have to make sure we can trust her," Harry spoke, adjusting his glasses as he glanced around the room, finding no sign of the mercurial blond professor.

Hermione nodded, "Okay then. Tonight, we can take out the invisibility cloak and find out what she's hiding."

* * *

"No, I can't handle another one, please for the good of Kami stop!" Naruto cried, her head hitting the table in frustration.

Shikamaru sighed from his position beside the blond, calmly handing her another form, "You're the one who's been neglecting paperwork for months. We need this stuff signed as soon as possible, and no, you can't make someone else do it for you."

Sasuke chuckled from the other side of her desk, his feet crossed languidly on the top of the table, "Come on, Naru-chan, hurry up and finish the paperwork so we can spar."

Naruto grinned wildly, her teeth barring dangerously, "You're on, Teme."

"I feel the need to warn the two of you to not destroy the castle," Shikamaru drawled nonchalantly as he passed his future Hokage yet another form, "It's really old and expensive."

"Don't worry Nara, we won't destroy the castle," Sasuke spoke softly.

"But we can't promise not to try," Naruto continued.

Shikamaru sighed, "Kami above, I pray for your future children."

Sasuke scoffed audibly, placing his hands behind his head, "Our children will take over the world."

"Metaphorically speaking of course," Naruto continued.

The Uchiha glared slightly at his future wife, "No, I meant it quite literally."

"No Sasuke, we are not encouraging our children to become 've talked about this before," Naruto chastised.

The Nara's eyes widened, "You have?"

Naruto nodded seriously, as if she didn't see anything wrong with the fact that she and her fiancé have had a literal conversation on whether or not it was ethically right for their children to attempt world domination, "We have. And we came to the agreement what we should never pressure our kids into doing anything. If they want to be civilian merchants, they can. If they want to become the first Supreme Emperor of the World, then they can do that too. Whatever makes them happy."

Shikamaru blinked. He blinked again. "I should have moved to Suna when I had the chance."

Naruto blinked in confusion, her head tilted to the side, "Why?"

Sasuke too looked on in confusion, "Why would you want to move to Suna? It's hot there."

Shikamaru sighed deeply, "How did the two most socially stunted people I've ever met survive to be the strongest ninjas of our generation?"

"Sheer dumb luck?" Naruto answered in a questionable tone.

"A stubborn mindset beyond the capabilities of ordinary people?" Sasuke chimed in.

Nara nodded, "That would explain it."

A soft knock on the door halted any further conversation, "Come in!"

A meticulously put together Draco walked through the door, nervously adjusting his silver and emerald tie, "Professor, it is time for my scheduled detention."

Naruto waved him in, "Yeah of course, take a seat Draco. The twins should be here shortly."

The platinum blond glanced at each of the strangers, memorizing their odd features, before settling his gaze on a stone-faced Sasuke, "You must be the fiancé."

The Uchiha narrowed his eyes as he sized up the teenager, "And what brought you to that conclusion?"

Malfoy shrugged carelessly, his classic smirk etching onto his aristocratic features, "Call it a hunch."

"I don't believe in hunches."

"Well that's not my problem now, is it?"

"Keep talking and I'm going to make it your problem."

"Aww, look, the big bad emotionless man is trying to threaten me."

"I'm not trying, and it's not a threat."

"Oh please don't be cliché and say it's a promise."

"No, it's a death sentence."

"Isn't there some type of rule against threatening minors?"

"It's a good thing then that I've never been one for following the rules."

"You know, for a man who's supposedly out to kill me, you sure do talk a lot."

"Draco," Naruto interrupted, "Stop baiting my fiancé please, before he really does decide to murder you."

Malfoy crossed his arms indignantly, "Way to kill my fun, Professor."

"What is it with you Slytherins, always trying to test Sasuke?" Naruto questioned, Draco's behavior a welcome break from the mountain of paperwork.

Draco shrugged, "It's fun, and he looks like an easy target."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Sasuke questioned, his eyebrows furrowing as he regarded the blond nightmare.

Malfoy smirked, "It's a Slytherin thing, don't get your pretty little head all in a fuss about it."

Just as Sasuke was about to rise, Harry stumbled through the door, adjusting his glasses, "Sorry Professor, I got caught up with Peeves."

"No problem, Harry," Naruto responded, "You can continue where you left off yesterday."

Harry nodded, before grabbing the unending pile of letters from her desk and setting upon his task. He had gotten quite good at coming up with polite rejections.

Sasuke blinked, "Are you making one of your students respond to your marriage proposals?"

Naruto nodded without looking up from her paperwork, "Yup."

"Nice."

Shikamaru groaned, "That is illegal, in _so many ways_."

Naruto huffed, "It's not hurting anyone. Besides, the kids is a lot more polite then I could ever be."

Shikamaru frowned, "We are going to get into another war by the time your first anniversary as Hokage roles by, I just know it."

Uzumaki glared at her future assistant, "Hey, I'm not that bad."

"No," Shikamaru admitted, "You're worse."

"He's got a point, Boss," Fred spoke as he strolled into the room, precariously balancing multiple binders, "Diplomacy's not exactly your thing."

"Yeah Boss," George agreed, his arms filled with multi-colored cloth, "You seem more like the punch first, ask questions later type."

Naruto petulantly crossed her arms, her lower lip sticking out, "That's not true."

Sasuke let out a bark of laughter, "Sorry Dobe, these guys are right."

"You're such a Teme," Naruto growled.

"A Teme you agreed to marry," Sasuke shrugged.

"Remind me why again?"

Sasuke smirked, gesturing to himself, "Come on, _look_ at me."

Naruto plastered a look of mock horror, "Is it too late to cancel the wedding?"

"YES IT IS!" Fred cried from his spot at the front table, slamming down the binders roughly on the hard wood, "We have spent way too much effort planning this wedding for you to just cancel it!"

Naruto sweat-dropped, she sort of may have forgotten that she was still in the middle of a detention session. She turned to see an indignant looking Fred, with an equally serious looking George standing beside him. Even Draco Malfoy seemed a little put off by the thought. Sasuke quirked a brow, "The twins you conned into planning our wedding, I presume?"

Naruto grinned, "It was an inspired stroke of genius."

"Is that my wedding binder?" Shikamaru asked incredulously, recognizing the large tome from his Temari induced nightmares.

Naruto felt sweat pool down her back, "Ummm, I sort of, may have stolen it?"  
"Just don't tell Temari."

Harry, at this point his writing long forgotten, just stared unblinkingly at the shinobi, "Wait, _you're_ her fiancé? I thought you guys were coworkers!"

Sasuke blinked, frowning slightly as he stared at Harry as though he were daft, "Are you saying I can't be both her coworker and her future husband?"

Harry blushed, "Well, yeah of course. It's just, I didn't expect it."

"And what exactly did you expect?" Sasuke drawled, amusement crawling onto his pale features.

"Umm, I'm not sure," Harry fumbled, "I haven't exactly given it much thought."

Sasuke quirked a brow and crossed his arms, his muscles flexing impressively with the movement, "Oh, I'm sure you haven't."

George blinked. "Is it just me, or does he remind you a lot of Professor Snape?"

Both Fred and Draco snapped their heads quickly up to stare at the raven haired man. "Oh Merlin, you're right," Draco whispered.

"He _does_ seem a lot like Professor Snape," Fred agreed, his wide eyes watching the self-satisfied smirk proudly displayed on his features.

Harry seemed horrified by the thought, his green eyes unblinking, "Poor Professor Uzumaki."

"Excuse me?" Sasuke questioned softly, dangerously.

Harry gulped, his survival instincts quickly kicking in, "Uh, nothing! Sir."

Sasuke nodded once, sharply, "That's what I thought."

Naruto giggled, signing yet another form with a flourish, "Man, you kids really are a riot. Say, you guys should spend the rest of your detention pranking Umbridge. The evil lady could use some cheer in her life."

Fred and George grinned, "Professor, we like the way you think."

"Whoever decided that it would be a good idea to let you near children," Sasuke spoke timidly, "Really needs to get their mental state re-evaluated."

"The second you announce your pregnancy," Shikamaru quietly promised, "I'm moving to Suna."

* * *

The detention ended quite quickly, with the twins and Harry rushing out as soon as possible, beyond excited to start their prank against their most hated Professor.

"Draco," Naruto called to the Slytherin as he too was leaving the classroom, "The task I gave you, I trust there aren't any problems?"

A slow, devious smirk crawled up onto his features, "No ma'am. Everything is going as predicted. The hierarchy system in the Slytherin house is strict, they know better than to go against both my and Pucey's direct orders."

Naruto nodded, "Perfect. Keep me updated."

Draco smiled, "Of course Professor. Have a pleasant night."

Sasuke stared as the blond left the classroom, "Do I even want to know?"

Naruto smirked, "No, probably not."

"Fair enough."

* * *

"Wait, that handsome man is actually her fiancé?" Hermione gasped.

Harry nodded, "Yeah. Although he is a _lot_ scarier in person."

"How so?" Ron questioned, moving a chess piece languidly.

It was late, the rest of the student body having long gone to sleep at a more reasonable time, leaving the Golden Trio alone in the common room. Harry grimaced, "He's… well… he's a lot like Snape."

"What?" Both Hermione and Ron asked at the exact same time.

"It's sort of hard to explain," Harry fumbled, "Just trust me on this."

A loud explosion went off in the distance, causing both Hermione and Ron to shoot to their feet and grasp their wands. Meanwhile, Harry hadn't moved an inch, not even blinking in surprise as he waved his friends off, "Don't worry, that's just a prank the twins made for Umbridge."

"How do you know?" Ron asked tentatively.

Harry shrugged, "They were planning it during detention. It was Uzumaki's idea."

"This just proves it," Ron affirmed, "She _has_ to be a Death Eater."

"Ron don't be an idiot," Hermione chastised, "We've always known her hatred for Umbridge, she's never kept that a secret. Plus, Professor Snape is a part of the order, and so is Professor Uzumaki actually. Just because her fiancé and apparent best friend share some qualities, does not automatically make her a Death Eater."

"Still, it is a little fishy," Harry spoke, "It wouldn't hurt to make sure."

Hermione sighed, finally relenting, "Do you have the invisibility cloak?"

Harry nodded, "Right here."

"And the map?"

"I have that as well."

"Then let's go."


	10. A New Bet

_**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for reading! Question: Which story should I update next? Answer in the reviews!**_

* * *

The three fifth years huddled tightly underneath the invisibility coat, a small prayer at the tip of Hermione's tongue as she hoped that their feet would stay at least slightly covered by the cloth. Slowly the trio made their way through the castle, climbing down the tower and into the darkened dungeons.

"Where's her office located?" Ron asked in just above a whisper, carefully having checked the map to make sure that there was no one near.

Hermione grimaced, "According to the map, it's near the Slytherin dungeons."

Harry nodded, "It's just down the hall from Professor Snape's office. In one of my detentions, she remarked just how 'wonderful it was to be so near her precious Sevvy.'"

Ron's face contorted into one of disgust, "How can she even stand that man?"

Harry frowned, "Well, if she really is a you-know-what, then it wouldn't surprise me if they really were all this chummy."

"Have you guys ever thought that maybe she actually _likes_ Professor Snape?" Hermione questioned softly.

Ron snorted, "There's nothing likable about that slimy git."

"I don't know," Harry grimaced, "Her fiancé reminds me a lot of Snape. Perhaps she just actually likes being friends with the man."

"Well, we're going to find out rather soon," Hermione hissed.

Fairly quickly, they had already arrived at her office. Ducking into a narrow hallway, Hermione asked, "Where does the map say she and her friends are?"

Harry opened the map quickly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of her nose and scanning the contents, "Naruto Uzumaki is in the Forbidden Forrest. So are Professor Snape, Shikamaru Nara and Sasuke Uchiha. I assume those are her coworkers."

Ron blinked, "What are they possibly doing there?"

Harry shrugged, "I don't know, but this is the perfect time to search her office. We need to hurry before she gets back."

Hermione shrugged off the coat, before taking the initiative. With a simple alohamora, the door opened with a slight creak. The office was meticulously neat, the tables and chairs all lined up in perfect symmetry. On her desk was multiple piles of paperwork, as well as an alarmingly large pile of letters. Harry grimaced as he saw the deceivingly harmless stack of envelopes.

"Those are the marriage proposals I've been replying to," he explained once he noticed the confused glances shot to him.

Ron approached the desk, flipping through the paperwork that littered the top. As he read through the contents, his brow furrowed in confusion, "A recipe for linguine? A tale of a rogue fox? Instructions for constructing a gingerbread house? This is all junk!"

Now, if Ron or any of the Golden Trio members were ninjas, they might have noticed a small, inconspicuous seal that was neatly drawn in the corner of each page. However since none of the three were seal-masters, they had no way of knowing that each page was sealed from their curious gaze.

"That doesn't make any sense," Hermione muttered, grabbing the pages out of her friends hands.

Harry ignored the two, focused on rifling through the drawers. Five minutes passed in silence. "There's nothing here," Harry announced dejectedly.

"Of course there isn't," Hermione frowned, "Maybe she really is innocent."

"Or maybe she's just good at covering her trail," Ron interjected.

"Or _maybe_ ," A growling, low and menacing voice interrupted them, "I don't keep anything of importance on my desk that any _idiot_ could get to."

The three turned to look at the doorway, where the angered countenance of Naruto Uzumaki stood. Sweat covered her forehead, her eyes glaring at the three with her arms crossed.

Hermione started, "Professor Uzumaki! We were just—"

"Breaking into my office and rifling through my personal affects to find some evidence of my supposed evil," Naruto stated candidly.

Ron gulped, "I can explain—"

"You don't need to Mr. Weasley," Naruto responded, casually walking into her office as if there was nothing amiss, "I heard it all. My question for you all is simple: Did you really think I didn't have some kind of ward set up to allow me to know if someone entered my office?"

She silently thanked Severus for teaching her the word 'ward'. She wouldn't know where to even begin explaining sealing to the three.

Harry twitched, "Professor, we were only trying to discover your true allegiance."

Naruto quirked a brow, "And instead of _asking_ me, you decided to break into my office, invade my privacy, and make a mess of my carefully organized documents? If my own word of innocence was not enough, surely you would have believed the word of your _esteemed_ Headmaster?"

When silence answered her, she let out a cruel smirk," _Oh_ , well I suppose that makes sense. After all, Headmaster Dumbledore believes Severus to be a loyal member of the Order. But you three are so much _smarter_ than your own Headmaster, the one who defeated Grindelwald, that you all _know_ for a fact that Severus is evil. After all, he's a Slytherin who doesn't smile, that just reeks of Death Eater. I suppose Headmaster Dumbledore might have his own reasoning for trusting Severus that he hasn't yet told you, but that doesn't matter. For the three members of the Golden Trio are _always_ right."

The three flushed in shame as Naruto continued her sarcastic drawl, "And _obviously_ , as a friend of Severus's and a stranger to you all, I _must_ be a Death Eater too! So since the Headmasters word couldn't be trusted, nor mine, it only made sense for you all to break into my office and invade the private property of your teacher. Did I get that all right?"

Harry opened his mouth, "Professor, I—"

Naruto raised a hand, effectively silencing the boy, "I. Don't. Care. I don't care to listen to whatever excuse you can come up with. I don't care to sit here and watch you scramble for the right words. You know why you did this, I know why you did this, let us not pretend otherwise. It's a waste of time."

Harry nodded his head solemnly, his eyes not leaving the floor. He had, in his own way, respected the blond. She had saved him from what was sure to be a horrid detention with the pink toad, and he repaid her act of kindness by obliterating her trust in him, "We're sorry Professor."

Naruto huffed, "I'm sure you are. 50 point from Gryffindor. _Each_. And I will see all of you in detention for the next few months. I believe till the end of the term to be fair. Any complaints?"

"No Professor," They answered monotonously.

"Good. Now get out of my sight."

The Gryffindor's hurried out of the room before they provoked any more of her ire. Naruto slumped into her chair dejectedly, an uncharacteristic frown marring her beautiful features.

"Was all of that strictly necessary?" Sasuke asked with a drawl as her friends walked into the room.

"Unfortunately," Naruto answered, "They need to learn sooner rather than later to stop poking their noses in other peoples business. If they keep up their foolish behavior, someone will get killed."

"Naruto has a point," Shikamaru spoke, "She might have just saved them some unnecessary trauma. They must learn to trust their superiors. As a comparison, it would be like one of us not listening or trusting our Hokage, or a genin defying their jonin. It's a quick way to their own graves."

"Ugh this sucks!" Naruto cried.

"Why exactly?" Sasuke asked, "You knew this was coming."

Naruto threw her fiancé a glare, "Well obviously I knew it was coming. Between the suspicious looks the three would shoot me, and their not-so-quiet conversations in both my class and the great hall, there was no doubt in my mind it was going to be soon. I just wish they freaking waited a week!"

"Do I want to know why?" Sasuke asked once more.

Naruto grumbled, "I owe Sevvy 50 galleons."

* * *

Severus snorted as he cockily counted out the galleons that Naruto had haphazardly thrown onto his desk. The blond ninja was scowling as she slumped into her seat, her eye twitching as she gazed at the money she had lost.

"One more week. One more _fucking_ week and it would have been _me_ smugly counting the money!" Naruto growled.

The elder wizard quirked a brow, "You're angry about losing money?"

"Duh."

"You're angry about losing money, yet you don't care about the fact that three of your students grievously broke your privacy and trust?" Snape questioned.

"Nah I knew it was going to happen," Naruto admitted, "You warned me about the possibility weeks ago. I just had a little more faith in their patience."

Severus chuckled, "And that was your first mistake: believing the trio to have any form of patience or common sense of decency."

Naruto rolled her eyes, "Anyways, I don't completely blame them for their actions. I _am_ a stranger in the midst of war. Being paranoid is a good instinct to have."

Severus took a sip of his tea, "Then why berate them?"

"They needed to learn their lesson," Naruto explained, "In a time of war, there is nothing more important than trust. And that includes trust in the chain of command. During our Fourth Shinobi War, we would have never won if the frontlines doubted me or my commands for even a second. There had to be perfect trust in our abilities and teammates, it is the single most important factor. Harry, Ron and Hermione are still young, that is true, but they cannot afford to stay ignorant. After all, when I was their age I was almost single handily fighting an enemy that had killed most of my superiors. Although, in hindsight I am a rather special case. But if they keep insisting on inserting themselves into this war, then they have to learn how to trust others outside of their little trio. Otherwise, who knows what could happen?"

Snape nodded, "It is a good lesson to learn. My own job as spy would be a lot easier if those three would just learn how to trust me. I really don't have the time to worry about both The Dark Lord doubting me, and making sure that the three idiots don't accidentally get in my way."

"In a way, I'm glad that they decided to check up on me, It gave me the opportunity to drill into them just how stupid and idiotic their actions were. They just couldn't have _fucking_ waited one more _damn_ week?"

"No, I don't think they could."

Naruto grumbled angrily, "I'm going to make those kids _pay_."

Snape sweat dropped, "Please don't tell me you mean it literally. As much as I despise those Gryffindors, I do believe it is unethical to make them give you money."

Naruto blinked, "What are you talking about? I just mean that I'm going to make them work off those 50 galleons that they made me lose."

"And how, exactly, do you plan on doing this?" Snape asked.

Naruto grinned evilly, "Oh, you'll see."

* * *

Draco Malfoy felt a grin crawl onto his pale features as he gazed into the countenances of his fellow Slytherins. The majority of his house were gathered in the common room, watching as Draco addressed the masses, "Are we all clear on our mission?"

A fourth year spoke up, "By doing this, we are practically displaying our allegiance for this foreigner. Are you certain this is the right move?"

"We are certain," Adrian Pucey spoke up from his seat besides the silver haired heir, "Professor Uzumaki is by far the best choice. She cares for Slytherins, and is a close friend to our Head of House. It is only natural to follow her."

Malfoy cleared just throat, "Umbridge will have us believe that she is the best choice to follow. As a previous member of our house, she will try to convince us to help her attain more political power within the school. She is an idiot, and a disgrace to our wonderful house."

Pucey continued, "As long as we refuse to give her the power she craves, she will never have the backing of the school. A piece of paper detailing her powers means nothing in this castle; not without allies."

"If we refuse to bend to her will, refuse her the allies she foolishly believes that she already has, then we will reclaim the power that she has tried to take from us," Draco explained, "The entire castle already stands against her. It is, after much thought and debate, in our best interest to side with the rest of our peers. Having Umbridge in power will only cause unnecessary mayhem. She is a horrid defense teacher, and a ghastly witch. I for one would prefer the werewolf from third year over this poor excuse of an instructor!"

The majority of the students gasped. Adrian continued, "Professor Uzumaki has come up with a far better solution. A way to keep Slytherin on top, and out of the claws of the pink toad. You all know your mission. Let us remind the castle what a wizard could do when they have the proper ambition."

* * *

Lunch that day was a regular affair. The students were overly jovial, the teachers overly exhausted. One thing, however, stood out. At the staff table, where one could usually find the Slytherin Head of House trading quips with his ridiculously attractive and younger friend, found the table empty of both.

Harry frowned as he realized that both were conveniently absent, "Professors Uzumaki and Snape both aren't here. I wonder why…"

Hermione shot her friend a glare, "That is the exact attitude that got us into this mess in the first place!"

Harry grimaced, "I know, I know. It's none of our business."

Ron sighed, dejectedly taking a bite out of his food, "Professor Uzumaki really didn't pull her punches last night, did she?"

"No, she didn't," Harry agreed, "Not that I blame her. We _did_ break into her office and rifle through her stuff."

"I can't believe we were caught," Ron lamented, "We were so careful about checking the map!"

"Professor Uzumaki told us last night that she had a ward set up for her office," Hermione reminded them, "She must have felt the wards being broken and immediately ran to the office. We _were_ there for quite a while."

Harry nodded, "She… she said quite a lot last night, didn't she?"

Ron frowned, "You don't suppose she was right, do you? About Professor Snape and stuff?"

Hermione sighed, "I think it's time for us to admit that she might have been completely in the right. About everything. We have no reason to doubt Professor Snape, other than Sirius's schoolboy dislike of him and our own disposition towards anyone associated with Slytherin."

"And what about that stuff about trusting Headmaster Dumbledore?" Ron asked quietly.

"Well, I suppose she's right about that too," Harry answered, "I'll be the first to admit that I might have a _slight_ problem with authority—"

"Slight?" Ron snorted.

Harry threw a glare at his friend before continuing, "But Professor Dumbledore is a lot more knowledgeable than us about this type of thing. He's been in the frontlines of two other wars. _Maybe_ we need to trust a little bit more in the adults."

Hermione nodded in agreement, "Harry's right. Every time we thought we knew better, especially about Professor Snape, we turned out to be wrong. Remember when we thought Professor Snape was trying to kill Harry in our first year, when he was only trying to protect him? Or that time in third year when we knocked him out when he was actually just trying to save us from someone he thought was a serial killer?"

Harry winced, "We haven't been exactly fair to him, have we?"

"No, we haven't," Hermione said, "But hopefully it's not too late to try."

* * *

Meanwhile, as the Golden Trio were coming to terms about their actions the night before, Sasuke hugged his fiancé tightly, drawing her lithe body into his chest. "Don't forget to write."

Naruto rolled her eyes, "I doubt that I could forget. I do love you, Teme."

Sasuke smirked, "I love you two."

Shikamaru sighed, "Are you finished yet? We do have places to be."

Sasuke frowned, lowering his voice so that only Naruto could hear, "10 galleons says that Temari had threatened him if he took too long."

"Not even I'm idiotic enough to take that bet."

With a snort, Sasuke released his fiancé, "I'll see you in a few months, Dobe."

Naruto grinned, "Well you better train hard! I wiped the floor with you last night."

Sasuke's eye twitched, "A fluke, I assure you."

The blond laughed, " _Sure_ Sasuke, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Albus smiled kindly, approaching the foreign ninjas, "The portkey is about to activate. Hold on tightly now."

Shikamaru and Sasuke gripped the rusty keychain tightly, saying their final goodbyes before disappearing. Naruto's grin turned solemn, "I'm really going to miss those two."

Severus sighed, "They'll be back before you know it. Now come on, there is a lot of work to be done."

Naruto's eyes twinkled at the reminder. This was going to be epic.

* * *

Hermione gulped as she and her friends entered the office they had broken into just the night before. Their enigmatic Professor was no where to be seen; Unfortunately the same could not be said for the fair-haired Slytherin scowling from his seat in the front of the room.

"Well well well, if it isn't the Golden Trio," Malfoy taunted cruelly, a smirk growing steadily, "Did the _perfect_ prefects finally get caught past curfew?"

Harry bristled, "Shut up, Malfoy!"

Draco's eyes widened in faux shock, "And here I thought that had finally learned his lesson about that sharp tongue of his. How much detention did you score this time? Another week? A month perhaps?"

Hermione scowled, "Leave us alone, Malfoy."

Draco laughed, "Oh poor little Granger, having to survive the big bad snake. Tell me: what did you three manage to do to get yourselves in detention? Hide a werewolf in your common room?"

Ron, always quick with his wand, was the first to draw the weapon, "Shut up, Malfoy. Or I'll make you."

"That will be another 50 points from Gryffindor for threatening another student," Naruto drawled as she walked calmly into the room, "Honestly, aren't you three tired of losing your house points?"

Draco let out a sharp laugh, "Wait. You three are to thank for Slytherin's now substantial lead for the house cup? Well, on behalf of the snakes, you have our _sincerest_ gratitude."

"Draco, knock it out before I decide to even the points out."

Malfoy was quick to disguise his humor, "My apologies, Professor."

Naruto stifled her own smirk at the scene. The pale boy was really just too amusing at times, "Draco, the twins are running a little behind at the moment. Have you started on that task that we discussed last time?"

A slow, evil grin spread on his face, "Of course Professor. Phase one is already in motion."

Naruto nodded sharply, "Perfect. Keep me updated on the situation as it progresses."

"Of course, Professor."

"We're here!" The twins called in sync as they fell through the doorway.

"And with a whole five seconds to spare!" Fred announced with a proud grin.

"Say Gred?" George asked with amusement.

"Yes Forge?"

"Isn't that our darling little brother over there?"

"Why I do believe it is. And look— his friends are there to join him."

"Gasp! You don't think our dear prefect of a brother received detention, now do you?"

"Well I wouldn't dare assume! It's come coincidence though, especially with the huge dip our house points took last night."

"What an eerie coincidence."

Ron blushed red, his nose scrunched in embarrassment, "Would you two shut up already?"

Fred's eyes widened, "Well brother, I do believe mother would _love_ to receive word about this new development."

"Well brother, I do believe you're right!"

"Unless," The twins spoke in sync, their mischievous smiles directed at their youngest brother, "We can be convinced to keep our mouths shut."

Ron sputtered, "What? That's blackmail!"

The twins shared a look, before simultaneously shrugging and answering, "We don't care."

"Boys," Naruto called, "Stop trying to extort your brother and start planning. You do have a detention to suffer."

The twins nodded, before ignoring their fellow housemates and sitting on either side of the lone Slytherin. The three wedding planners quickly got to work, shifting through the ever-present binder and discussing with pure seriousness the proper shade of floral lace.

Ron and Hermione, who had never been around to witness the harmonious exchange of the members of the two opposing houses, couldn't help but let their jaws drop in shock. With a shrug, Harry spoke, "You get used to it. They're ridiculously efficient at this."

The orange loving blond then let her gaze settle on the three Gryffindors, "Now, as for you three, I have something a little different in mind. Harry, you can continue your previous task, I obviously have no patience for those letters."

Harry stifled a groan as he stood up to grab the letters, as well as the necessary stationary. Seeing that Harry had begun his task, she continued, "Now as for Hermione, you can serve your detention by figuring out these forms for me."

The blond passed a large stack of papers to the intelligent witch, who after scanning their contents, could not help but let out an incredulous gasp, "You want me to file your taxes for you?!"

Naruto nodded calmly, as if she has seen nothing wrong in giving her student the task, "I hate figuring out my own finances, and I surely don't want to pay an accountant. So you can do them instead."

"There must be at least 500 pages of finance in here!"

Naruto shrugged uncaringly, "I spend a lot."

Hermione had a little trouble picking her jaw off the floor, "Um… Professor? Why exactly is there the currency equivalent to almost 100,000 pounds in 'public destruction' listed here under the deductibles? For this year alone?!"

Naruto waved her off as she settled into her chair, her eyes never straying from her orange covered book, "Mere semantics. Less questioning, more filing."

Hermione nodded silently, taking a seat as she attempted to figure out exactly how many times her Professor must have been dropped on her head as a baby.

"Now as for you, Mr. Weasley," Naruto continued, "I doubt you have your brothers flair for design, but I've heard you were quite the strategist. Good."

Naruto tossed a small book at the boy, who had barely caught it before it hit him right on the head, "Shogi for Beginners?"

Naruto nodded, "It's almost like chess. Anyways, your job is to memorize the rules, then spend the rest of your time coming up with a brilliant unbeatable strategy."

Ron blinked. He blinked again. "What?"

Naruto sighed as she explained, "That bastard Shikamaru always enjoys challenging me to a game. Since I'm a _slight bit_ competitive, we tend to bet large amounts of money. I can't even _begin_ to count just how much money I have lost to him over the years."

Hermione mumbled, "That explains the 'Nara Fucking Cheats' line, at least."

Ignoring the witch, Naruto continued, " _Anyways_ , I have come to realization that if I ever want to win my money back, I need to come up with an unbeatable strategy! But I'm a little too busy not caring, so you can do it for me instead."

Ron sat down wordlessly, his gaze going back and forth between his attractive Professor and the books she had given him. Naruto quirked a brow, "Well? Are you going to start or are you going to keep staring at me?"

Ron gulped as he opened the book, reading the contents and infusing them all into his memory. Professor Uzumaki was terrifying, the last thing he wanted to do was to paint an even larger target on his back.

With a grin, the ninja watched as each child set upon their individually assigned task. At this rate, Naruto would have earned back the money she lost in no time!


End file.
